Akatsuki Daze no Jutsu!
by Maru-sha
Summary: Chap.17 up! An escaped convict of the Leaf Village Insane Asylum finds herself up for recruitment in the Akatsuki after stumbling upon their hideout during her break-out. Other than the hyperactive Tobi being her sempai, her problems involve keeping Hidan's ritualistic hands off her and surviving Sasori's experiments! Laughs and hi-jinx abound! Semi-crack fic. SasoxDei, ItaxKisa.
1. Introduction no Jutsu!

A figure darted through the forest in a blur, only stopping to hide behind the occasional bush and look around. Panting some they stopped at a tall tree and slumped down to rest. "Things were getting to hectic...glad I'm finally rid of that problem" they said. By the sound of the voice, the figure was identified as a girl. The sound of something whirling through the air was heard and the girl ducked. She moved a little too late and had a few strands of her brown hair clipped from one of her pigtails.

"Trespasser!" shouted a shrill voice. This time the girl saw three throwing stars come right at her and she crawled away into a bush.

"What the hell?!" she roared, standing straight up.

"Nyachu!!" called the shrill voice once more. Out of a tree leaped a small girl in a black skintight suit with her arms, lower abdomen and legs wrapped in white bandages. "You're on Akatsuki territory!" she yelled, charging at the intruder. Instead of landing a hit on her, the attacker found herself smashed against a beyond large pair of breasts and being held tight enough to nearly crack her spine.

"Kyaaa~! You're cute! Super cute! No, not super cute! You're simply kawaaiiiiii!!" squealed the pigtailed girl.

"Nya! Nyaaaa! Lemme go!! Just who are you?!" cried the attacker. The hugger dropped the bandaged femme fatale and smirked.

"I am the great teller of tales! The mistress of the pen! I am Maru-sha! But most call me Maru" she introduced, striking a sexy pose.

"Nyaaaa?" chirped the dumfounded attacker. She wasn't really expecting a real introduction of that magnitude.

"And who might you be, my bandaged cutie?" Maru asked, a glint in her eyes.

"I am the Aijou of the Akatsuki! My name is Karla, Nyaa~!" she mewled, smiling a fang-toothed grin. Maru's eyes glimmered and she began to suffocate Karla against her breasts again in yet another hug.

"Damn it all, you're sooo cute!!" she squealed, mashing Karla's head deeper into her 'abyss'.

"C-can't breathe!!"

"Karla-chan! Time to come in!" called a voice from far off.

"Sounds like you have to go" Maru said, setting the hardly breathing ninja back on her feat.

"Yeah, that was my tou-san" Karla said, panting some.

"Well I don't want you to worry him. You go on home" the busty babe said with a wave. Seeing she really wasn't a threat, Karla smiled and leapt off into the forest. Maru smiled, but then her stomach growled and she cursed silently. "Why didn't I ask her where the nearest place to get a burger was?!" she cried. "Screw it, I'll go begging" she thought, darting off after Karla.

After an hour, Maru was dragging herself along the ground, her stomach growling loudly. "S-so hungry!!" she whined. Looking straight ahead, she saw a rather large house amongst the trees and bushes. "Karla's home?" she wondered. Sneaking over to a window on the second floor, Maru climbed a tree and climbed out onto the limb to look into the window.

"Hmm...Not much in here. A bed and some posters on the walls. Pretty normal" she thought. Looking up she saw another window and climbed up one more tree limb to see inside. Raising her head up to look, she came right into masked eye-contact with someone. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!" Maru screamed, losing her grip on the tree and plummeting down three stories and impacting the ground with a hard thump.

"What was that?!"

"Who's screaming?"

"Someone just saw Tobi getting undressed! Is Tobi still a good boy?!"

"Yes Tobi...you idiot...now put on some freakin' pants!"

Maru laid on the ground, slowly slipping into a black out. She saw Karla run towards her with something that looked like a walking Venus fly trap follow behind her. A second later, the darkness came.

To be continued...  


* * *

Notes:

I blame my friend for this! She got me hooked on the Atatsuki team, so alas....I'm writing a fan-fiction on it.

I will continue this, don't you worry~

No Tobis were harmed in the making of this chapter.


	2. Akatsuki no Jutsu!

"Who the hell is she? Was she spying on us?"

"She saw Tobi naked! But Tobi is still a good boy!" cheered a hyper voice.

"Yes, we know!" yelled another voice.

Maru groaned and opened her eyes. All she saw were blurs and partial darkness. She sat up from where she laid on the floor. "Holy Jashin-sama! Look how big her breasts are!" someone said with a lustful smirk. Maru then felt her chest get grabbed and fondled quite firmly. Her vision returned halfway before she gasped and slapped the figure that'd done the horrible act.

"How dare you!!" she yelled.

"Heh heh...can you do that again? But a little harder this time?"

"Hidan, stop getting turned on..." sighed Karla.

"Waaahhh! Now I'll never be able to get married!" Maru cried, holding her chest close and crying waterfalls of tears.

"So, who's up for selling her?" Kakuzu asked.

"WHAT?!" Maru screamed, tears still in her eyes.

"You'd fetch a large load of money" he sneered.

"Like the amount in here?" she asked, holding up his wallet. Kakuzu gasped and checked his pockets. It was gone! Maru wasn't bluffing.

"How'd you get that?!" he yelled, snatching it from her.

"I wonder where she was keeping it" Hidan said with a grin, which earned him another slap, much to his liking. Out of the bunch of odd faces, Maru spotted Karla and pounced at her.

"Eeeek!!" the ninja girl squealed as she found herself short of breath inside of Maru's chest for a third time that day.

"Did they kidnap you?! Never fear, I'll save you from this place!" Maru said triumphantly.

"Anyone who trespasses here is immediately killed" a cold voice said.

"N-n-no..." the insane writer whimpered. "I'm too young! I'm bursting with life and love! And I'm still a virgin!!" she cried, forgetting Karla was still lodged against her chest. Mostly everyone in the room sweat-dropped from the outburst. Everyone except Tobi.

"What's a virgin?" Tobi asked gleefully.

"You'll learn when you're older, baka..."

"Yes sempai!"

Karla freed herself from Maru and panted. "W-wait...d-don't kill her!" she said between breaths.

"She really does care for me" Maru thought, her cheeks blushing slightly.

"We have to give her a last wish first" Karla finished. Maru fell over.

"Hurry up and make your stupid last wish then" Kakuzu growled.

"I wish for two wishes!" the victim exclaimed.

"It doesn't work that way!" Kakuzu yelled.

"If I want two freakin' wishes for my last freakin' wish, then that's what I'll freakin' get!" Maru shouted fearlessly, even though she was shaking head to toe.

"What's your first wish then?" Hidan asked.

"An order of pork cutlet and shrimp tempura. Oh! And some tuna sushi!" she said, drooling some.

"NO SUSHI!!" yelled Kisame.

"Jeezum crow...he's a fish!" Maru squeaked.

"And we can't fulfill your request since someone went and ate everything in our refrigerator like there was no tomorrow..." Kisame sighed, glaring at Zetsu.

"It was worth it" the cannibal said.

"Now we have to go out and buy more food. And just who do you think pays for the groceries?!" Kakuzu hissed. While that conversation was going on, Maru snuck out of the room.

"I gotta get out of here!" she screamed, ducking into a closet.

"You guys let her escape..." Itachi said.

"Then we'll go hunt her down. Let me get my weapon out of the closet" Hidan said, walking to the closet and opening the door.

"Here you go!" Maru said, handing him his three-bladed scythe with a smile.

"Thank you!" he said cheerfully, taking hold of it and shutting the door. "What a nice closet!" Hidan thought before leaving to find Maru. Once Maru felt it was safe, she opened the door slightly and looked into the living room. Itachi was sitting on the beaten up old couch and attempting to watch the news.

"Why do I even bother...I can hardly see much of the mass destruction going on..." he sighed.

"Ah-ha~! He's part blind. I have a chance!" Maru thought, slowly slipping out of the closet and creeping along. But the floor in this house was made of hardwood frames and nearly everyone moment made the floor creak.

"Who's there?!" Itachi yelled, looking around. Maru froze and covered her mouth to keep from breathing too hard. "Is that you Sasuke?! Mangekyo Sharingan!" he shouted. Maru then ducked to the floor, avoiding a large mass of fire created by Itachi. "Did I get him?! Did I win?!" he asked no one in particular, looking around. The nearly singed writer was hiding behind the couch, shivering and trying to keep control of her bladder.

"M-Maybe I should've stayed in my nice, warm, padded cell. I wasn't threatened with fire, only tazers and whips. The whips part I didn't mind though~" she thought.

"Maru-sha Neotashi!!" shouted a voice. Maru rose her arms up in surrender out of pure reflex. "That's right, Maru Neotashi is at large" came the voice again.

"Oh, it's just a news broadcast..." she sighed softly, lowering her hands. Raising her head up to peer over the couch, she was able to watch the news in silence.

"Be on the look out for this insane novelist with a split personality. She was last seen fleeing the Leaf Village's high security Institution for the Institutionalized. Her cell was opened for her daily food ration when the two guards assigned to the job didn't take the precautions in handling her special case. After her escape, authorities found their bodies drained of blood and the tray which held Maru-sha's portion of food left in tact. If you see this criminal, contact the Leaf Village authorities at once. Here is her picture."

The news cut away to show a security camera shot of Maru in a black long sleeved shirt and blue short pants. The sleeves were long enough to be pulled behind her back and tied into position if need be.

"For those who are just now turning in, she is five feet and seven inches tall, has the eye color black, her hair was last seen in school-girl pigtails, and her skin is tanned. If you are blind and are foolishly watching the news...there is nothing you can really do to help us in finding her!" the news reporter laughed. Itachi snarled at the comment and Maru held back from laughing.

"Once again please contact Leaf Village if you have information on Maru-sha Neotashi. That is all, have a great evening."

Itachi then heard the sound of the television's TiVo program being pressed back many times. Maru had the remote and was flipping back to when they showed the food she left behind at the crime scene.

"Oh yeah...that looks so good right about now" she drooled, the plain dish of rice and pickled vegetable looking better than a plate full of sushi at this point. She then felt a strong tug at one of her pigtails. "Let go!! Stoooop!!" she cried.

"They all went out to hunt you down, yet you were here the whole time. I'll eliminate you myself!" he said with a smirk.

"Uhh...umm...OH! Look!! It's Sasuke!!" she shouted.

"WHERE?!!" he gasped, turning around and using his Sharingan at a large mass of nothing. Maru took off deeper into the Akatsuki hideout and ran into dark room and shut the door behind her.

"Phew! That was too close...now where is the light switch?" she sighed, feeling around the wall. Once the lights were on, she wished they were off again. It was a room full of torturing devices; some still had blood on them. And in the corner was a bloody mattress and around the room were posters which read "Praise Jashin-sama!".

"GET ME OUT!!!" Maru wailed, dashing out of Hidan's room. She ran around trying to find the front door. About now she wasn't thinking much to break through one of the many windows she saw.

"Nyaaaachuu~!" cried Karla's voice. Maru froze and ran towards the sound.

"Sooo Kawaaaaiiiii!!!" she screamed, leaping at Karla once she found her. Unfortunately, it was Karla's reflection in a mirror. Maru slammed right into it and fell back into Hidan's arms, her eyes swirling.

"Jeez, almost thought I'd be breast bait again!" Karla sighed.

"Grandmaaa?" Maru asked in a daze while starring at Hidan.

"Can I eat her now" Zetsu asked.

"You're not the one who caught her! I'm planning several things planned for her before she becomes your midnight snack" Hidan said, grabbing the hardly conscious figure's chest.

"Grandmaaaa? Why are you molesting me? Isn't that my Papa's job??" Maru slurred, shaking her head to revive her senses.

"What does molesting mean?" Tobi asked innocently.

"Just shut up..." Deidara huffed. Itachi pushed his way to Hidan and looked at Maru as best as he could.

"Does your name by any chance happen to be Maru?" Itachi asked.

"Depends on who wants to know" she said, turning her head away. She found herself with a shurriken held against her neck.

"I want to know..."

"My name is Maru-sha Neotashi! I was born in a small house on a snowy day in April and my mother nearly bled to death! My favorite food is pork cutlet and peach slices! (pant pant pant) I love long walks in dark places and I-" she was punched in the stomach.

"Shut up...that was far too much information. But you are the psycho they talked about on the news" Itachi pinpointed.

"S-so true...so painfully true!" she coughed.

"Psycho on the news?" Hidan asked.

"She broke out of an institution and killed two guards"

"Awesome, Nyaa~!" Karla chirped.

"Psychos really turn me on when they scream" Hidan breathed lustfully in her ear. Maru kicked her leg back and kicked him in a private place. He let out a gasp and grinned "H-harder please" he laughed.

"No thank you..." she shuddered, her forehead blue with disgust. Karla smiled and took Maru's hand.

"Come with me, Nyaa!" she giggled, running off, dragging the blushing writer with her.

"W-where are we going? You're not gonna butter me up and feed me to that plant guy, are you?"

"No! You're gonna see the Leader of the Akatsuki!" Karla chimed. "A-A-Akatsuki?!! T-This is the Akatsuki hideout?!" Maru screamed.

"Yup!"

A twinge ran through Maru's spine and she grinned a fang-toothed grin. Karla didn't notice and shoved her into another dark room and shut the door.

"What is it?! I'm very busy!" shouted the shadowy figure known as the Leader of the Akatsuki. He quickly shut off his computer as fast as he could.

Wonder why...

Maru said nothing, her head was lowered and her bangs of hair kept her eyes shaded. "Well?! Who are you and what do you want? Answer me, damn it!"

"My name is Maru-sha...and I wish to join the Akatsuki..." she said, her mouth twisting into an abnormal grin as she lifted her head; and her once brown eyes were now glowing a fearsome yellow.

To be continued...

* * *

Notes:

Told ya' I would update!

This chapter was really fun for me to write and my Nee-chan helped me out a ton! Thanks nee-chan!!

And for Maru's comment on how she won't beable to get married:  
**It is a wives-tale in Japan that if a young lady's breasts get grabbed in such a manner, you won't be able to get married. **

Tobi is still a good boy~!!


	3. Tobi sempai no Jutsu!

"What makes you a candidate to be a member of the Akatsuki?" Leader asked.

"I'm a master of the pen" Maru said, still grinning.

"So you're a writer? Big deal"

Maru chucked and took a worn out looking feather from the lining in her shorts. With one fluid motion of her arm, she made a sharp slashing movement with the quill of the feather pen. "...Well? What happened?" Leader asked. His computer then split in half, all the wires inside fizzing with sparks.

"Still need more of a demonstration?" she asked, raising her pen once more. She was then hit in the face with an official Akatsuki cloak.

"You're in. Your first mission...BUY ME A NEW COMPUTER!!" he roared. Removing the cloak from her face, he saw Maru's eyes were brown again. Maru smiled and put the cloak on, but had trouble zipping it up over her chest.

"Does this come in larger sizes?" she asked, finally getting it zipped up after much difficulty.

"No, that's the only one I stock for now. As for your sempai, I think Tobi will be perfect. Now leave!" he said. The writer wasted no time in leaving.

"Nyaachuuu~! You're a member! Whatever skill you have, it must be impressive" Karla squeaked once Maru was out of the Leader's chamber.

"I dunno how it happened, but as long as I have this new outfit, I don't mind!" Maru laughed.

"You noob..." a blonde haired figure said.

"Ah! So there _are_ other girls here besides me and Karla!" Maru cheered.

"I'M NOT A WOMAN!!" he yelled.

"I understand. You're in denial!"

"Um, Maru...Deidara isn't a-" Karla tried to say. Too late. Maru was pressing her hands against his chest. Deidara was seething with anger at this point.

"Hmm, pretty flat. But that doesn't make you any less of a woman!" the writer giggled. Deidara took hold of Maru's wrist firmly.

"I'm not a woman...feel for yourself, un!!" he said with a grin, taking her hand and rubbing it against the front of his pants.

"He's making me molest him!! Don't call the police, he's obviously consenting!! Waaaaaahhhh!!!" Maru screamed loudly.

"So you've stopped using your own hands for self-pleasure and are using the noob's hands" Hidan chuckled.

"S-shut up, un!" Deidara hissed, letting Maru go.

"So who'd you get for a sempai?" Karla asked.

"Tobi!" Maru cheered. Hidan and Deidara broke into laughter.

"...What?"

"Tobi is an idiot, un! The Leader must hate you for some reason, un." Deidara snickered.

"Someone call Tobi's name?" Tobi asked appearing out of no where.

"You are Maru's sempai!! Good luck, un!" Deidara laughed, still on the floor laughing.

Maru and Tobi stared at each other for a long minute.

"She's the one to saw Tobi getting undressed!" he half giggled.

"I didn't mean to..." Maru said, blushing some.

"Tobi is still a good boy, so Tobi doesn't mind! Maru is Tobi's student! Tobi is happy!!"

"You've never used a pronoun in your life, have you?" Maru sighed.

"All Akatsuki members get in here now!!" sounded Leader's voice from the living room.

"Alright! My first meeting!" Maru thought, dashing off. She was then tackled onto the floor.

"Carry Tobi on your back!" Tobi laughed. Maru stood up and reluctantly carried Tobi to the living room.

"You've all made it. The reason I call this meeting is to let you all know we have a new member" Leader said. Strangely, he was still covered in shadows as if he were still in his room.

"Where is the new member?" Kisame asked.

"The girl with the huge melons...it's very hard not to see her" Leader said. Karla looked around.

"Uh oh...she got lost" she whined.

"Tobi is with her. She won't be lost for long" Leader assured.

"She's doomed..." Itachi sighed.

"This is the third time I've seen that same closet door which means we're going in circles...don't you live here?!" Maru yelled.

"Yes Tobi lives here. But sometimes Tobi gets lost!"

"Oh my God..." Maru hissed, putting a hand to her head.

"It'll be easy if you lost it and killed him. You could play it off as an accident~" a voice in her head said with a menacing laugh.

"No way."

"Do it..."

"No"

"DO IT!!"

Maru then punched herself in the stomach and fell to her knees groaning. "Is Maru-kohai alright?" Tobi asked.

"Never better!" she said, an innocent smile on her face as she stood up.

"Tobi remembers where the living room is now!" he chimed.

"Lead the way, sempai!" Maru cheered.

Five minutes later...

"Uh, Tobi...this is the bathroom!!" the heavy-chested girl yelled.

"Whoops!" the masked idiot giggled.

"I'll find the living room myself!" she roared, stomping off down a hallway.

"B-but Tobi didn't mean to make Maru-kohai mad..." Tobi sniffled, clinging onto one of Maru's legs. Maru kept walking, dragging the crying Tobi with her.

"What room is this?" Maru asked, pointing to a door. "Oh, that's Sasori's room" Tobi said. Maru opened the door slightly and looked inside. Sure enough she saw Sasori sleeping on his mattress inside. Maru took out her feathered pen and grinned.

"What is Maru-kohai going to do?"

Maru said nothing and 'vampired' herself into the shadows of the room and without waking him, drew kitty whiskers on Sasori's face. He groaned and rolled over.

"Not now Deidara..." he said before resuming sleeping. Satisfied, Maru left and continued to search for the living room.

Three hours later...

"So...this is how it ends for me..." Maru groaned, laying face down on the floor, Tobi still attached to her leg. She was starving and exhausted from walking around the maze known as the Akatsuki hideout. "Funny, I always thought I'd die in some kind of battle. Or inside that institution. But no...I'm dying face down in the Akatsuki base...awesome" she chuckled.

"Why is Maru-kohai talking to herself?" Tobi asked, jumping onto Maru's back.

"I'm insane and have split-personality disorder..." she grumbled.

"Holy Jashin-sama!!" Hidan's voice gasped. Maru and Tobi looked over to see Hidan coming towards them down another hallway. "I never knew you to be so rough on a lady, Tobi! Very impressive!" Hidan remarked with a grin. He was referring to Tobi being on top of Maru's back while the writer looked terribly exhausted.

"...W-wait!! It's not what it looks like!" Maru screamed.

"Tsk tsk~! Naughty!" the demented priest laughed.

"Tobi is confused!" Tobi exclaimed.

"You must've just came...it takes getting used to" Hidan said. Maru got up from the floor using most of her remaining energy and slapped Hidan so hard, his head turned sideways some.

"Bad Maru-kohai! No hitting Hidan!" Tobi scolded. Maru only glared at him in response.

"N-never mind..." he squeaked.

"We didn't have sex you pervert! My clothes and his clothes are still on!" she yelled. Hidan turned his head the other way and smiled.

"Another?" he asked, nearly drooling.

"Hell no..." Maru huffed.

"And no swearing!" Tobi said.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!!" Maru and Hidan yelled in unison.

"O-Okay...T-Tobi's a good boy..."

In the Living room...

"Finally you've made it!" Leader said. "I found them!" Hidan said. "What do you want?! A cookie?!!" Leader roared.

"Oooh! Tobi wants a cookie!! Please please pleeeeease?!" Tobi pleaded.

"Shut-up, un!!!"

"That was the other thing I was going to bring up. Thanks to Zetsu there is no food left. So for tonight's mission you will all do grocery shopping"

"Sure, blame me for everything!" Zetsu said.

"Why do we have to wait until night to go?" Maru asked, raising her hand. "If we all went out in the daytime, it would cause mass panic and terror!" Karla said.

"...isn't that our job?" Maru asked. "Shut up noob!!" Leader shouted. "Yeah, noob!" Kisame chuckled. "Shut up, fish!!" she growled.

"I'm not a fish, damn it!! I'm a demon shark!"

"Shark, eh? So you wouldn't mind me eating shark-fin ramen in front of you?" Maru asked with a grin.

"If you even touch any food with the word shark in it...so help me...I'll slice you in half!"

"Jeez, touchy. I knew sharks were sensitive to a lot of things, but not to words!" she giggled. Kisame advanced on her with a murderous glare. "Aahh!! D-don't kill me!! D-did I mention my favorite color is blue?! Sharks like fish right? I'll buy you all the fish you want from the store if you don't hurt me!!" Maru cried, breaking out in a cold sweat. "...fine. Keep your word...or die" Kisame said.

"Leader?" Maru asked.

"What now?!"

"Can I be excused from the Akatsuki now?"

"NO! Once you're a member you're in until you run away or die! And only cowards run away" he said with a smirk.

"Aw man..." she whined. It was then Sasori came into the room.

"Did I miss the meeting?" he half yawned. Everyone was speechless at his new whiskers. "...what?" Sasori asked.

"N-nothing, un!" Deidara said, trying not to laugh.

"Trying out a new look?" Leader asked.

"What are you talking about?"

"Sasori is a kitty!!" Tobi squealed, pointing at him and laughing. Now that it was in the open, everyone began to laugh at the red-head. Everyone except Itachi.

"What? I don't get it? Sasori's a kitty? I wanna see!"

"Idiots..." Sasori thought, completely oblivious to his new look.

To be continued...


	4. Shopping no Jutsu!

"It's finally dark outside! Time to go shopping, Nyaa~!!" Karla squealed.

"C-Can't go on..." Maru cried, lying on the floor.

"What's the matter with you, un?"

"I'm starving..."

"Maybe if you don't eat for a while, your boobs will shrink, un!" Deidara laughed. Maru blushed bright red.

"Such a shame if they were to go to waste" Hidan said, grabbing onto Maru from behind again and getting in a good squeeze.

"If you're looking to be slapped again, too bad. I'm too hungry" she sighed.

"Leave Maru-kohai alone!" Tobi said.

"Fiiiine, I guess since you have dibs on her, you're not up for sharing!" Hidan said with a smirk.

"Dibs?! No one has dibs on me!!" Maru shouted.

"That's not the way I saw it! Tobi was (BEEP)ing you like an animal when I found you in the hallway"

That did it.

Maru balled up her fist and punched Hidan in his solar plexus. "Oh Jashin-sama, YES~!!!!" he screamed, falling over and panting with enjoyment over the pain surging through his body.

"I fell and he got on top of me! That does not count as having sex in my book!" she hissed, falling down on one knee, nearly out of energy at this point.

"Suuuuurrrre" Zetsu said slyly. Maru only glared at the man-eating, plant-like person in response.

"Enough! It's time for us to go to the store now!" Karla yelled.

"Finally!!" Maru cheered, grabbing hold of Karla and dashing out of the hideout in a blur.

"She was just complaining about not having any energy left, un..." Deidara sighed.

At the Supermarket...

Maru was the first one inside with Karla on her back and Tobi not too far behind. "Remember to get the cheap stuff!!" Kakuzu shouted. Maru had gotten a shopping cart and was pushing it as if she was riding on an oversized scooter with Tobi and Karla inside of it.

"What does Karla want first?" Tobi asked.

"Tofu and soy chips, Nyachu!!!" she cheered.

"Whaaat?!" Maru gasped. "You're an Akatsuki member, you should eat evil food!"

"Like?"

"Erm...well, stuff like meat and cookies"

"Tobi likes cookies!" Tobi screeched.

"Me too, but in moderation. And meat isn't good in large amounts" Karla said. Maru sweat-dropped.

"Who are you? My father?" she asked with a laugh.

"I'm a health nut!"

"A cute one~" Maru said with a smile.

"Chu..." the small female ninja squeaked in an embarrassed tone.

"Ahh! Maru-kohai! Stop!!" Tobi cried. Maru's cart slammed into someone, running them over.

"Whoops! Sorry about that!" Maru half laughed, not even bothering to stop to see if they were okay.

"Maru...you just ran over Sasori..." Karla said, shivering violently.

"...that's a bad thing, isn't it?" she asked. A second later, Maru lost all control of her body, the cart she was pushing still going.

"Aren't you even going to apologize?" Sasori asked, stepping over to Maru who was attached to the strings coming from his fingers.

"Fine. I'm very sorry. Satisfied?" Maru said dully. Sasori pulled at the strings with his fingers, bending Maru's body at his will.

"Ahh!! S-stop! My leg doesn't bend that way!" she cried. He fiddled with her a bit before he finally felt he knew her joint structure. Maru growled. He had placed her in a bowing position before him.

"Now, apologize" he said with a smirk.

"I'm...s-sorry Sasori..." she groaned.

"Accepted" he said, walking past her to continue his own shopping. The strings on Maru faded and she stood up.

"That wasn't pleasant...no one makes me bow to them. I'll have my revenge!! He'll have much more than those kitty whiskers once I'm done with him!" she thought.

"Kill him!" the voice in her head yelled. "No one makes YOU bow like that! Go ahead and kill the weirdo!"

Maru punched herself in the stomach and hit herself upside the head. "Shut up! I'm not listening to you right now!"

"Not listening to who, Maru-kohai?" Tobi asked. Maru screamed and jumped back.

"Stop sneaking up like that! Jeez, I almost wet myself!" she breathed.

"Maru-kohai is just too jumpy!" Tobi giggled.

"That's it! I'm gonna kick your arse so hard, you'll be tasting my sandals for a week!" Maru growled, grabbing Tobi by his cloak.

"Nooo!! No kohai!!" he wailed.

"Don't hurt him, Maru" Karla sniffled from behind Maru. Looking back at the pouting face, Maru dropped Tobi and hugged Karla tightly.

"Kawaii-desu!! Even when pouting, you're just too freakin' adorable!" she squealed. After being released from the 'abyss', Karla pointed out that while Maru was being handled by Sasori, she had gotten the items she wanted.

"Sempai, what did you want?" Maru asked.

"Cookies!!" he screeched.

"Cookies! The perfect evil food!" Maru agreed, jumping up and down along with Tobi. "And why stop there?! I'm gonna get a bag of my favorite snack in the whole world!"

"What is it?" Karla asked cutely.

"Dried shark-fins!" the writer exclaimed, licking her lips.

"Oooh! Those sound good!" Tobi gasped.

"They sure are! The best thing ever!"

"Maru...remember what Kisame said about you eating anything shark-related?"

"Yeah yeah yeah! But he's not around" she assured. Without even looking behind her and just seeing the look on Karla's face and the fact Tobi ran to hide in another aisle was enough proof.

"He's right behind me, isn't he?" she asked, laughing nervously.

"Yep..."

"Oh...time to go then!!" Maru cried, trying to run off. Kisame held her back quite easily by the back of her cloak. "Noooo!! Let me go! I forgot about you and shark fins!! Don't kill me! I wanna liiiiiive!!!" she whined.

"You said you buy me all the fish I wanted" Kisame said.

"...oh! Right! Of course, your fish!! Silly me for forgetting! Lead the way!"

She wasn't really lead, more like dragged by her cloak. "This is gonna be expensive..." Maru sighed, counting the money in her wallet as she was dragged.

Fifteen minutes later...

"Does Maru-kohai still want anything?" Tobi asked upon seeing Maru return.

"Yeah, dried shark fins!"

"But what about Kisame?!" Karla yelled.

"I'll eat them in secret!! It's like telling me I can't have cabbage since Zetsu is half plant!" she huffed.

"Fiiiine, just make sure you aren't around him when eating those"

"Aw, do you care that much about me?" Maru asked, sighing happily.

"Of course!" Karla giggled, before Maru suddenly took a hold of her hands.

"Thank you! I'm so happy that someone so cute cares for me!" she squealed. The moment was broken when a loud crunching sound was heard. Tobi was watching them as he ate some chips from a large bag.

"Sempai!! You're not supposed to eat the food until we pay for it!"

"Tobi didn't know!"

"He's such an idiot, un"

Maru whirled around and saw Deidara. All he had with him was a large bag of white clay. "Are you all done getting your items, un?"

"Yeah! 'Cept how are we gonna explain that?!" Karla said, pointing to the opened bag of chips in Tobi's arms. Deidara took the bag away from him and held it with both hands. Maru nearly screamed at what happened next. The mouths on Deidara's hands ate the chips along with the bag, leaving no evidence.

"That is...the weirdest thing...I've ever seen..." she said, shivering some.

"What, un? You scared, un?" he asked, grinning some as he held one of his hands close to Maru's face.

"Aaaaahhh!!" she cried, running away. She just happened to run into Hidan.

Lucky her...

"Are you finally so attracted to my sexiness that you're running into my arms?" he asked slyly.

"You wish!" she said, for once a little glad to see Hidan.

"Hmm? Was that a smile I saw?" he asked.

"You're crazy!" Maru hissed, the tiny smile on her face now gone.

"I'm going to leave you all here if you don't hurry!!" Kakuzu's voice shouted from the store's intercom system. "I can't find it!!" yelled Itachi from somewhere off in the store.

"Damn it! Who was supposed to be with Itachi?!"

"Whoops..." Kisame said.

"That's what you get for making me get you such much fish!" Maru laughed before being hit over her head with Kisame's sword.

"Kisame! What if you broke her skull?!" Karla cried, holding Maru by the front of her cloak. He only grinned at her words.

"Once again...whoops"

"No father...your tongue is in far enough" Maru said in a dazed voice, her eyes swirling.

"She's alive!" Karla gasped before sighing in relief.

"Mangekyo Sharingan!" yelled Itachi's voice.

"Aaaaaahhh!! Tobi is flammable!" Tobi cried.

"And it sounds like Tobi found Itachi, un" Deidara said.

"We can all leave now then" Sasori said, coming up from behind Kisame. After all their items being paid for reluctantly by Kakuzu, the Akatsuki members left the partially burned down supermarket.

"Has my skin always been tanned?" Maru asked on the walk back to the hideout.

"Yes. But thanks to Kisame, you're having memory loss..." Karla sighed.

"Oh! Right...it's all coming back now!"

"Does Maru-kohai remember me?" Tobi asked.

"Sadly yes...I still do sempai..."

To be continued...  


* * *

Notes:

Sasori still hasn't noticed his cat whiskers! But he still got his strings on Maru!

And for the record...meat and cookies are now foods for the EVIL~!!


	5. Evilness no Jutsu!

"That was fun! I've never been grocery shopping with so many people before!" Maru said, putting away the last of the groceries.

"Here" Karla said, handing her a banana to eat.

"Oh thanks! I just now remembered how hungry I am!" she said gratefully, peeling the fruit and putting it into her mouth.

"Fan service shot!" Hidan exclaimed, pointing to Maru.

"I hate you..." she growled, chomping down on it to make Hidan wince. But she forgot about his love for pain and he just grinned even more. "You gave me this banana on purpose, didn't you?" Maru asked to Karla.

"I wasn't even thinking of that!" she squeaked innocently.

"Awww...fine, I believe you"

"Where is Maru-kohai going to sleep?" Tobi asked. Maru froze. She hadn't thought of that! Not in the least! Not even the writer behind the whole twisted plot thought of it.

"Uhhhh...well...hmmm..." she tried to answer.

"There's plenty of room in Deidara's bed" Tobi giggled. How the heck did HE know? We shall never know.

"No way!! She is not going to sleep there! That's MY spot!!" Karla fumed. Maru's mouth hung open form shock.

"Say what?! You and mister gender-confused share a bed? ...Oh my~"

Karla blushed some and reworded her outburst. "Not in that way! S-sometimes I havta sleep with him when I get nightmares! And I have nightmares very often...nyachu..."

"Oh...my...GOD!! You're the cutest thing on the planet!!" Maru cried, pinching Karla's cheeks.

"Itaaaiii!!"

"Even when you're in pain you sound cute! Stop it or I'll just hurt you all the time!" Maru said with a grin.

"I sound pretty good when I'm in pain, too" Hidan commented.

"Of course you do..." Maru answered sarcastically.

"Tobi is your sempai, so you and him should share a room" Karla suggested.

"Gee, I'd love to...but...um" the writer stammered.

"Maru-kohai and Tobi will be sleeping together! It'll be like a sleepover except we'll be sleeping!!" Tobi cheered.

"Do I have to?" she whined.

"M-Maru-kohai doesn't like Tobi?" he sniffled.

"Ack! N-no! You?! Of course I like you! It's just...ah! I like you sooo much that I can only take being around you during the day!" Maru lied.

"Ohhh! Okay then!" the masked moron said, nodding rapidly.

"He actually believed that?" both Hidan and Karla thought in disbelief.

"Then Maru-kohai can sleep in Karla's room! Maybe it'll cure the nightmares!" Tobi suggested. Maru's eyes glimmered at the thought.

"That would be awesome!" Karla said gleefully before being pulled into Maru's chest for another hug.

"WHAT THE HELL?!!" shouted Sasori from down the hall. He stormed into the living room, his eyes narrow with rage.

"Who drew on my face?!" he growled.

"I don't know!" Hidan said, snickering some.

"Not me!" Karla said, poking her fingers together.

"Umm! Uhhh...oooh! Tobi knows!" Tobi squealed, raising his hand.

"Who did it?!"

"Maru-kohai did while Tobi and Maru-kohai were lost in the house earlier today!" he said. Sasori glared at Maru.

Or, where she was standing three seconds ago.

"Aaaaaahhhh!!! He's gonna kill me!" the insane girl screamed, running down a hallway with Sasori hot on her heels.

"I'm gonna kill you! Get back here!" he yelled, strings coming from his hands and towards Maru.

"Nooo!!" she cried, taking out her pen and lashing it at the strings. A solid slash of red substance came from the pen and cut the strings before they grabbed her. Sasori was shocked at this, but sent another set of threads after her. They wrapped around her wrist, making her drop the worn out pen. "Let me go!" Maru whined, trying to pull her arm away. Sasori scoffed and flexed his fingers, attaching the strings to other parts of her body. He made her walk towards him, a murderous look in his eyes.

"I could yell...I could scream...hell, I could even call you some names" he said. Maru was able to hear every word, dreading what Sasori had planned to do to kill her. "But one of us has to be the mature one" he finished. Maru had a second to breathe a sigh of relief, but found herself being thrown into a wall by the threads.

"And it's not going to be me! Sleep with both eyes open, you noob!!" he hissed, retracting the strings and leaving to resume the shower he was going to take before he saw his face in a mirror.

"Maru-kohai!" Tobi shouted, shaking the unconscious Maru by the front of her cloak.

"She's bleeding from the ears!" Karla wailed. Maru coughed a few times before opening her eyes.

"I'm okay to drive~! Just show me to the car!!" she giggled, still pretty much half revived.

"Here, this will make you feel better" Hidan said, coming up to her with a glass of water. Maru gulped it down and blinked. She did feel better. Her body felt very warm after a few minutes and she began to pant softly. Hidan grinned at this reaction.

"What was in that water?" Karla asked, glaring at Hidan.

"Medicine that must be given to her on an hourly basis! It'll help stop the bleeding in her head" he said very professional-like.

"Oh! Alright then!" she said, nodding in approval.

"Take good care of Maru-kohai, Hidan! Tobi just became a sempai and doesn't wanna have the first student die!" Tobi sniffled.

"Do not worry! I shall take her to my room to make sure she stays medicated!" the masochist said, taking Maru into his arms.

"Do anything to make her better!" the small ninja girl squeaked.

"And if you hear any strange noises coming from my room, that means the treatment is working and must not be interrupted!"

Hidan carried Maru away with the approval of Tobi and Karla. Upon entering his room and turning on the light, he set Maru on his bloodstained mattress on her back. He shut the door and locked it, an evil grin spreading across his face.

"Hidan..." the writer panted, leaning up some. He pressed her back down and reached for the zipper on the cloak she wore and pulled it down. Lifting up the blue shirt under the cloak revealed the plain white bra that held back her large breasts. Maru made a tiny squeaking sound, trying to scoot away. Even drugged she didn't like this feeling. Hidan merely smirked and moved his hand south, going into her short pants.

"No..." the voice in Maru's head said. "Not like this!"

Maru then sat up quickly, her head knocking against Hidan's with enough power to force him back. "What the fuck?! That dose of narcotics should've half paralyzed you by now!" he roared.

"You shall never touch Maru in that place without her proper consent" the voice said, now speaking out from Maru's own mouth. This voice was terribly deep and sounded almost nothing like Maru. It was her voice topped off with a heavy dash of scary.

"Split personalities...taken to a higher state..." Hidan thought, breaking out in cold sweat.

"I heard you like pain...I'll give you a nice dose!" she laughed; now staring at Hidan with piercing yellow eyes.

"Oh shit..." was all the demented priest could say.

Loud screams of pain mixed with pleasure were heard from Hidan's slightly soundproof room. Karla had her ear pressed to the door and giggled. "I think it's going well!" she said, not suspecting anything naughty. The faint sound of a whip was heard being lashed and Karla sweat-dropped. "That doesn't sound too good"

"Oh praise Jashin-sama~!!!" Hidan screamed happily.

------------------------

The next morning...

Maru came out of Hidan's room, absent of her Akatsuki cloak but still clothed in what she originally had upon first coming to the hideout. She stretched and cracked her neck a bit. "What a good night's sleep!!" she sighed happily. She was then shoved out of the way by Sasori who was walking down the same hall. Obviously he was still angry.

"Maru-kohai? Are you sleeping?" Tobi asked, poking at Maru on the floor.

"Sasori is still upset..." she said into the floorboards before sitting up. She was then pounced into a hug by her sempai.

"Tobi is glad! Maru-kohai seems just fine! Hidan fixed you!" he cheered.

"Uh, sure?" she answered hesitantly. Inside of his room, Hidan was recovering from being whipped by Maru's alter state of mind. He was blushing nonstop and was only upset about the pain disappearing so soon.

"All Akatsuki members get in here now!" shouted Leader from the living room. This time Maru and Tobi did not get lost and arrived on time.

"Maru, since you are new, you can tell me what you think the Akatsuki does!" Leader said.

"Umm, try to take over the world?" she asked nervously.

"...Lucky guess. And how does one come about taking over the world?"

"By being evil?"

"Correct!! That is why today I want you all to go out and be as evil as you can. I don't care what it is, just make sure we are feared as the Akatsuki!"

"Tobi knows the most evil thing to do!!" Tobi chimed.

"Somehow...I really don't believe you..." Zetsu said.

"A whole day devoted to being evil..." Maru said, her head lowered, her eyes not visible from the shadow of her bangs.

"Is that my cue?" the voice in her head asked.

"No!" she shouted, almost about to punch her stomach. It came a second too late, though.

A twisted grin came to her lips once more, raising her head up to look around. Lifting her hands to her eye level, she stared at them front and back. "I've grown a little since last time I came out fully" she whispered.

"Maru-kohai! Are we gonna go do evil things now?" Tobi squealed.

"Oh this is the moron Maru-sha keeps groaning about...may as well play along" the insane version of Maru thought.

"Sure sure, what's your idea?" she asked aloud.

"Well, Tobi was gonna go into Tobi's bedroom with Maru-kohai..."

"Yeah?"

"And climb onto Tobi's bed..."

"Yeeeaaah~?"

"And jump on it!!" he finished, giggling evilly. Maru fell over.

"Idiot!! I say we go out and get drunk! Then rent a porno movie even though we're under-aged! And then find some defenseless kid to kick over and over again!"

"What's porno?" Tobi asked.

"...Maru? Are you feeling okay?" Karla asked. Maru glanced at Karla and paused. Just how timid and small she was made Maru lick her lips.

"Yeah, never better~"

"Tobi still wants to know what porno is!"

"Never mind that. I have a better idea" Maru said, pulling Karla and Tobi close and whispering her plan. Maru then felt her breasts get grabbed from behind. "Aren't you dead yet?!!" she hissed, thinking she laid it into him enough last night.

"I can't die, I'm immortal" Hidan said with a lustful smirk.

"Can he help us, Maru?" Karla asked, excited about their evil plan.

"Are you good at lifting heavy things?"

"Yeah, see?" Hidan said, lifting her breasts up with his hands as he kept fondling. He was rewarded with a sharp kick to his groin.

"Alright then, let's do this!!" the writer exclaimed, grinning evilly. Tobi and Karla cheered while Hidan was on the floor, laughing like a whimsy schoolgirl.

"It tickles~!!" he cried.

-------------------------------

At the Leaf Village bank...

"FREEZE!!!" Tobi yelled, running around the bank very non-threateningly.

"Be afraid!! Afraaaaaaid! Nyaaachuuu!!" Karla squeaked loudly at one of the workers behind the counter. Although it was VERY cute and adorable, it wasn't in the least scary.

"Everybody get the (BEEP) down!! This is a (BEEP)ing bank robbery!!" Hidan shouted, crashing in through a window with his scythe drawn, Maru clinging tightly to his back. Now THAT made everyone begin to panic and run around in alarm.

Maru dropped from Hidan's shoulders and took out her pen and her still yellow eyes glowed brightly. Darting through the security and mostly everyone else, the head to the pen sliced through, draining blood from any large gash made. Hidan helped and cut through the shocked bystanders like a hot knife through butter.

In a matter of seconds the busy place was silent and stank of fresh blood. "Your turn, Maru" Hidan said. Maru traced a circle with her pen on the main vault, cutting out a small hole. Tobi and Karla crawled inside and began to pass fold after fold of money which Maru gathered into a sack. "So what do we do with the money?" Hidan asked.

"We'll let the Leader decide that"

"Well, nothing is stopping us from us each getting something we really want" he said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't touch me..." she hissed.

"It was your fucking shoulder...you're acting like I got you _**here**_!" Hidan said, gliding has hand over her rear end.

"Why you son of a..." Maru growled before pouncing on him. Tobi and Karla crawled out of the vault, only to see Maru holding Hidan by his shoulders and kicking him in the crotch several times. "Bastard!! Take this and this and some of this!!" Maru was shouting while Hidan was begging for her to kick harder. Tobi covered Karla's eyes, while Karla covered Tobi's seeing eye.

-----------------

After that little mess, Hidan hoisted the large sack of money over his shoulder. Maru leapt onto his shoulders and smirked. "Okay, lets get back to the hideout, Nyachu~!!" Karla cheered. "Maru-kohai, there's a camera up there" Tobi said, pointing to the security camera.

"Smile so we make a good impression" she said. And they all did.

****

Back at the Akatsuki hideout...

"Honestly! I send you all out to do evil and I can't even trust you with that!" Leader growled. "Kisame and Itachi. How is spending all of our money at the arcade all day evil?!"

"It seemed pretty evil to me..." Kisame sighed. Itachi stayed silent.

"Deidara and Sasori. How is staying in your room all day doing 'who knows what' evil?"

"Umm...I dunno, un" Deidara said, several red marks on his neck. Sasori was only grinning and held Deidara close by his waist. Leader sweat-dropped and then faced Zetsu.

"Did you even do anything?"

"I stole a baby from a candy" Zetsu's dark half said.

"Um, don't you mean you stole candy from a baby?"

"Heh heh...no" the dark half responded.

"...Okay...besides Zetsu, you're all the worst criminals known to man, fish, wooden figure, and plant!"

"What about the noob? She's not even here" Kakuzu said.

"I did notice there was no excess noise. Tobi is gone too" Leader said, sounding a bit too happy.

"Karla is gone, too" Zetsu's light half noticed.

"My Karla is out with that noob and the idiot?!" Sasori hissed.

The sound of the front door opening was heard and Tobi rushed in with a box under his arm "Tobi got a Wii game system!!" he cheered.

"Oooh! I wanna play!" Kisame demanded.

"Same here" Itachi said.

"You can't even see that well!" Kisame muttered.

"Tobi...did you steal that" Leader asked, unbelievingly.

"Nope! Tobi bought it!"

"WHAT?!!!"

Poor Kakuzu thought of how much money those new fangled games cost and fainted right there on the spot. Karla rushed in and jumped into Sasori's arms.

"Sasori-sama! I got a locket, nyaa~!" she said. Sasori glanced at the solid gold locket around her neck with her name on it in tiny diamonds.

"H-how much was this?" he asked.

"I dunno! Maru got it for me"

Kakuzu slipped deeper into unconsciousness from somehow hearing that. Maru came in empty handed and back to her normal state of mind. "Maru, are you behind Tobi having a new expensive game system and Karla having a virtually priceless locket?" Leader asked, ready to strangle the hell out of her at any second.

"Yeah. But that's only because we robbed the Leaf Village bank" she said innocently. Kakuzu instantly revived.

"A bank you say?" he said, leering at Maru.

"Yes. Hidan is bringing in the money we didn't spend" the newbie assured. Speak of the devil, Hidan came in with the still pretty much full bag of money and set it down.

"Whose idea was this? Well, I guess it was Hidan's right?" Leader asked.

"No. Not my plan this time" Hidan answered, holding Kakuzu back a few inches from the money.

"Let me go!! I must touch it!!" he screamed.

"Then was it Karla's idea?" Leader asked.

"Nope! Nyaa!" she responded cutely.

"...Tobi?" he asked, starring at the masked moron.

"It was Maru-kohai's idea!" he screeched.

"Well, you did say go out and do evil things...robbing a bank is what my other half thought of" the half starving writer said, poking her fingers together.

"Hmm...Very well then. Good job" Leader said, nodding some.

"We got one-upped by a noob, un!!" Deidara growled.

"We?" Zetsu's dark half asked.

"Oh right, you stole a baby from a candy, un..."

"Huh? Don't you mean he stole candy from a baby?" Maru asked shakily.

"No~" Zetsu said with a grin.

"...I'm gonna stand over here" she said, stepping a few feet from the man-eating, plant-like person.

"What are we going to do with all of this money?" Kisame asked, counting a few of the bills from the sack.

"Let me have it!!!" Kakuzu yelled.

"We could save it up, Nyachu!" Karla suggested.

"Pass" everyone said at her words. "You all suck..." she growled.

"Let's take a vacation!" Leader said excitedly.

"NOOO!! Vacations are EVIL! Once you think you're in paradise, you get the bill!" Kakuzu retorted.

"But it's not our money to begin with. So if we spend it all, it won't affect us" Itachi said, slipping one of the folds of money into his cloak sneakily.

"Then it's settled! We shall take a vacation soon with this money!" Leader said.

"But we didn't even vote on it!" an angry Kakuzu hissed.

"Who all wants to go?" the shadowed figure asked. Everyone except Kakuzu raised a hand. It was unanimous.

"I don't care either way, as long as it's not a beach" Maru said.

"Why not? It's relaxing and sunny" Zetsu's light half said.

"I'd have to wear a bathing suit...I'm not comfy showing off my body"

"Then let's go to a beach-type place!" Hidan half screamed, getting a nosebleed and _other_ reactions from imagining Maru playing volleyball at the beach.

"Is that a banana in your front pocket, Hidan?" Tobi asked innocently. Everyone ignored that question.

"And there's water there! I'll be able to swim!" Kisame said happily.

"B-but, I don't have a swimsuit!" Maru squealed.

"You can borrow one of mine!" Karla offered.

"Thanks..." she sighed, wishing the tiny girl would've stayed quiet. She was all out of excuses and she could practically feel Hidan's eyes as he stared at her lustfully.

"Then we shall go somewhere beach-like on our vacation! Even the Akatsuki needs a break once in a while!" Leader exclaimed. "We're the only ones who even did anything..." Hidan thought bitterly.

"Leader! Since I did a crime today, does that mean I'm not a noob anymore?" Maru asked hopefully.

"Hell no. You're still a noob. Where is your Akatsuki cloak?" he asked, tapping his foot. Maru gasped. She left that morning without putting it on! It was still lying on Hidan's mattress in his room.

"Uhhh...I guess I forgot to put it on today..." she said innocently.

"If you did a crime without wearing that cloak, it does not count as an official Akatsuki crime. So you are STILL a noob"

"Heh heh heh..." Sasori chuckled.

"The poor noob forgot her uniform!" Itachi laughed.

"Sempai!! Why didn't you remind me to put it on?!!" Maru yelled at Tobi.

"Tobi didn't notice!" he giggled.

"Never rely on him, un" Deidara said, unable not to snicker at Maru's expense.

"I hate you all..." the voice in Maru's head snarled.

To be continued...

* * *

Notes:

I remembered that Hidan has a swearing problem, so I finally made him the foul-mouth we all know and stay away from.

Sasori finally found out about his kitty whiskers!

Hidan manages to get Maru into his room...GASP!

Leader asigns a day of evil for the whole Akatsuki team.

Maru's insane side fully takes over and thinks of something evil to do.

A beach-type vacation is planned!

And yes...Maru is still a noob


	6. Vacation no Jutsu!

Somehow and someway, the Akatsuki members found themselves at a lovely beach area. "How'd we get here so fast?" Tobi asked.

"There's no logic in most fanfic material...this one isn't an exception..." Sasori sighed, he and Deidara in matching purple swim trunks.

"Wheee!!" Karla squealed, already in her strawberry print bathing suit and splashing around in the water.

"Can I just sit on the sand?" Maru asked, not absent of her cloak this time.

"C'mon Maru-kohai! Let's have some fun!" Tobi said, pulling at Maru's sleeve. The masked sempai was in his orange swim trunks and wanted to go for a swim with is kohai. Innocent enough, right?

"No thanks..." she huffed.

"Tee hee, chicken!" he laughed. Maru snapped her neck and faced him, a murderous look on her face. "Uh oh..." Tobi said before running away. Maru threw aside her cloak and gave chase after Tobi in her bathing suit.

"GASP!!" Hidan gasped, watching as Maru ran. Karla had let her borrow one of her bathing suits and it was tight on her in all the right places in Hidan's eyes. As they ran around, Tobi hopped over Leader who was tanning in the sun, but Maru stepped right on his back as she advanced on her sempai.

"Gaahh!! My back!" he groaned.

"Gottcha!!" Maru shouted, pouncing on Tobi and strangling him.

"Nooo!! No kohai!!" he cried, trying to push Maru off him. Unfortunately there was only one way he could push her away from this angle. She screamed as she felt his hands pushing on her chest.

"Never touch me there again!!!" she yelled, throwing him into the water.

"Tobi didn't know!!" he cried.

She was red in the face and panting angrily at this point. "Tobi is not a good boy!" she hissed.

"Waaaaaahhh!!" he cried. Maru smirked at this, but found herself being towered over by Leader's shadow who glared down at her.

"Uh oh..." Maru thought, too scared to even look behind her.

"IDIOT!!!" he yelled, kicking Maru into the ocean along with Tobi.

"Serves you right" Karla said, floating past them in an inner tube.

"He's the one who touched me inappropriately!" the writer exclaimed, splashing water at Tobi.

"I'm sure he didn't mean to do it in a pervy way" Karla said. Maru merely nudged her inner tube and she began to drift farther away from shore. "Eeeeek!! Nooo! Get me off! Nyaaachuuuu!!" she squealed.

"Aww~! That is the cutest thing I've ever heard!" Maru cried, immediately swimming after Karla and pulling her back to shore.

"T-that wasn't nice, nyaaa..." she sniffled.

"Sorry, but you're fun to bully!" Maru snickered. She then got hit in the back of the head with a volleyball. "Ouch..." she squeaked before falling over.

"Whoops!" Sasori laughed.

"Oooh! Are we gonna play volleyball?! I wanna play!" Karla cheered, picking up the ball.

"Yeah...me too" Maru said with too friendly of a smile on her face.

"Can I play, too?" Hidan asked, coming up behind Sasori. Maru took one look at Hidan and looked away quickly, blushing red all over.

"You know wearing Speedos is just a cry for attention, right?" she muttered. Hidan the immortal zealot was sporting a pair of red Speedos and was grinning proudly.

"He has no shame..." Sasori sighed.

"So it's two girls against two men, perfect!" Maru said, taking the volleyball from Karla and running to the nearest netting area.

Five minutes into the game, Maru had been hit in the face by the ball at least seven times. "Sorry~! It slipped!" Sasori sarcastically apologized for the seventh time.

"Grrr...My foot is gonna slip right into your arse if you do that again!!" she yelled.

"Let me serve, Nyaa!" Karla giggled. Maru smiled and gave her the ball. "Here it comes!" the tiny ninja giggled, tossing the ball up and hitting it.

It hit the net...

"One more time!" she cried. This time she missed hitting the ball completely.

"Again!"

Somehow the ball hit Maru in the chest, but that made it go over the net. "Hooray for your boobs!" Karla cheered.

"Damn right!" Hidan agreed.

"Shut up..." Maru said, poking her fingers together and blushing.

"I got it!" Sasori shouted, hitting it back over the net and right at Maru.

"Not this time!!" she yelled, jumping up and spiking it back over the net and into Sasori's face. The lines on the ball hit him just right to make it look like he had kitten whiskers again.

"Kawaii! Sasori-no-danna has whiskers again, un!!" Deidara laughed.

"What do you mean? Maru didn't even pull her pen out. Is Itachi's blindness spreading?" the red head asked, not aware of his whiskers.

"What?! Did someone call me?!" Itachi shouted from far off. Deidara just began to laugh harder, falling into the sand. Maru snickered, but then felt those all too familiar hands caressing her shoulders.

"Do I have to bury you alive?" she groaned.

"I'd live through it~" Hidan answered, tugging at the strained strap that kept the top to Maru's swimsuit firmly fastened on.

"BAKAAA!!" she yelled, kicking Hidan far out into the ocean with a splash.

"Oooh! He went far!" Tobi said in awe.

"Wanna go next, sempai?" she asked, grinning.

"Okay!" he said, agreeing stupidly.

"Nooo!!" Karla yelled, clinging to Maru tightly.

"Fiiine" Maru sighed, laying down on the sand and shutting her eyes.

"Don't you wanna help me and Tobi make a sand castle?" Karla asked. Maru was already asleep and snoring loudly.

"Tobi has an idea!" Tobi chimed before whispering something to Karla. She grinned and nodded.

An hour later, Maru was covered in sand up to her neck and by some miracle she was still asleep. "Are you sure she won't be mad, Nyachu?" Karla asked.

"Tobi is sure! It's not like Maru-kohai is gonna wake up a sand monster!"

Upon saying that, Maru groaned and rose up out of the sand much like you'd see in those horror movies. "Aaaaahhh!!!" both Tobi and Karla screamed, running away quickly.

"Huh? What's their problem?" Maru wondered, stretching out some from her nap.

"The beach can be quite boring if you can't see anything..." Itachi sighed. He was floating on Karla's inner tube away from shore. Then he felt something brush up against his leg and he panicked. "What was that?!" he thought. After a minute he calmed down, thinking it was just some seaweed. But then it happened again and Itachi heard splashing sounds. "SEA MONSTER!!!" he yelled, ditching the inner tube and swimming around violently AND blindly. Kisame, in Hawaiian print swim trunks, came up from the salty water and laughed.

"That gets him every time!" he chuckled. Kisame then noticed something floating in the water and gasped. "Itachi!! Don't go on shore!" he shouted, holding up Itachi's black swim trunks.

"What?!! Go on shore?!" he yelled back.

"No! Wait!"

Too late...

Itachi came up on shore and, well...

"Holy Jashin-sama!! I'm blind!" Hidan shouted before laughing.

"Oh my~!!" Maru gasped, covering Tobi and Karla's eyes.

"I wanna see!" the ninja girl whined.

"Tobi wants to see, too!"

"You won't be a good boy anymore if you see sempai..."

"Hey! Put some clothes on!!" Leader shouted.

"Now I know why he has more fangirls..." Kakuzu snickered.

"What? What's everyone staring at?" Itachi asked.

"Feeling a draft?" Sasori asked. Realization hit and Itachi's face turned bright red and he covered up. But the damage was done!

"You want these back?" Kisame asked, handing the embarrassed Akatsuki member his swim trunks.

"No...I'm gonna walk around naked for the rest of the day..."

"Really?! Lemme go get my camera!" Kisame laughed, almost about to walk away.

"Give me those!!" Itachi yelled, snatching them away from his oddly colored friend and redressing himself.

"That was...disturbing..." the voice in Maru's head said.

"Tell me about it" Zetsu said with a shiver.

"Huh? You can hear my other side?" she gasped, staring at the human Venus fly trap in green swimming trunks.

"Sure can" Zetsu's dark half said.

"Good. At least half of you isn't completely useless..." the voice sighed.

"I'm not useless!" the light side spoke.

"I'm so gonna eat you now!" the dark side responded.

"We can't eat a member of our own team..." the light side said warily.

"But she called us useless!"

"Well, she just called me useless"

"Oh. The she's right" the dark side said with snicker.

"Meh, I call 'em as I see 'em~" Maru's evil side half giggled.

"Sorry 'bout that..." Maru herself sighed, twisting one of her pigtails between her fingers shyly.

"Don't worry about it" the light side said with a small smile. Maru giggled, it looked rather strange seeing someone half smile.

"What the FUCK?!!!" yelled Hidan's voice from far off. Maru looked over and saw a completely sunburned Hidan laying face up on the sand with Karla giggling near him.

"What did you do?!" she laughed, stepping over to her.

"Noooothin', Nyachuu!" Karla giggled cutely.

"This little (BEEP) switched my (BEEP)ing sun block with (BEEP)ing cooking oil and the sun burned my (BEEEEEEEP)ing skin!!" Hidan screamed, unable to move because it hurt too much even for HIS standards.

"Such language~ Do I havta spank you later?" Maru teased.

"Shut up..." he said, blushing some. As if you could even see him blushing at this point. Tobi came up and began to poke Hidan's arm firmly and repeatedly, making him wince. "Tobi...if it didn't hurt to move right now...I'D RIP YOUR (BEEP)ING SKULL RIGHT FROM YOUR HEAD AND SHOVE IT RIGHT UP YOUR (BEEP)!!!"

"Tee hee!" was Tobi's only response as he kept poking him.

"Sempai, as much as I'd love to see Hidan beat you to death, I think you should stop" Maru snickered.

"Why Jashin-sama...why me?!" Hidan groaned.

"I'm sowwie, Hidan-sama...Nyachu..." Karla sniffled.

"Cute doesn't work on me!" he hissed.

"So kawaaaaiii~!" Maru screamed, nuzzling the half crying girl into her breasts.

"I can't breathe!!" she gasped.

"S-so lucky..." Hidan thought as he watched the hug-fest, getting a nosebleed.

"There's the banana again, Hidan-sama!" Tobi gasped.

"SHUT-UP TOBI!!!" every member of the Akatsuki yelled.

"T-Tobi's a good boy..." he whined to himself, poking at a hermit crab before it scurried far away from him.

----------------------------

Later that evening...

"I can't believe Kakuzu...making us all share one room..." Karla sighed.

"Next time we rob a bank, let's just keep everything to ourselves" Hidan seethed.

"Let's not complain until we see the room" Maru said, taking the card key given to her by Leader and opening the door to their room.

"Oh..." she gasped.

"...my..." Karla squeaked.

"...Jashin-sama!!" Hidan finished. This was their reaction upon entering a very large and fancy looking hotel suite.

"Is this Heaven, Nyaaa~?" Karla asked.

"No, I'm sure Heaven is much much warmer!" Hidan corrected her.

"Uhhh...I think you're a tad bit mixed up..." Maru thought.

"Wheeeee~!!!" Tobi chimed as he bounced on one of the beds.

"Uh oh..." the writer gasped, noticing something about their room.

"There's free booze in the little refrigerator!"

"You're not getting drunk again, Hidan!" Karla shouted.

"Guys...there are only two beds..." Maru said, her eyes twitching slightly.

"Tobi calls this one!" the hyper sempai said, still jumping on his bed.

"I'll share with him" Karla volunteered. Hidan and Maru glared at one another for a long second.

"YAAAAAAAH!!!" they both yelled, diving at the bed to see who'd call it first. They both touched it at the same time.

"No! Get off!" Maru growled.

"You move your hand!!" he scolded.

"No way! I'm sleeping here!"

"You're mistaken! I'm obviously sleeping here!"

"You need the inside of your head examined! I called it first!!"

"I'll fight you for it!" Hidan challenged, taking out his scythe.

"Accepted!" Maru said, drawing out her pen. Heh, that was a pun.

"Why don't Hidan and Maru-kohai just share?" Tobi asked sweetly.

"(BEEP) NO!!" the pair of angry Akatsuki members yelled.

"GUYS!! ENOUGH!!" Leader's voice came from the next room over.

"Screw off..." Maru muttered. The phone in the room suddenly rang and Maru went to answer it.

"Um, hello?"

"You're demoted for that smart-ass comment!" yelled Leader's voice from the receiver, nearly blowing out the busty girl's eardrums.

"D-demoted?" she whined.

"Yes! Once we get back to the hideout, you're on cleaning duty! Oh, for a heads up, I like my undergarments hand washed" he said slyly before hanging up.

Maru began to cry waterfalls. "Waaaahhh!!! I dun wanna!" she sobbed.

"I haven't even touched you yet!" Hidan said in a panic.

"I got demoted..." she sniffed.

"Poor Onee-sama..." Karla said, patting her shoulder.

"Then that means you should have a great time tonight to forget all about it!"

"Like?" Maru asked.

---------------------------

Ten minutes later...

"N-no, I couldn't...I'm already seeing double" Maru half giggled.

"c'mon~! You know you want more!" Hidan said, filling her glass to the brim with sake.

"Do it!!" Karla cheered, sipping on some orange juice. The writer grinned and gulped down the intoxicating liquid.

"So what's with you and having split-personalities?" the demented priest asked.

"Oh that's easy! She kinda was created one day to take all the things my father did!" Maru slurred, lying down on the floor drowsily.

"So he was a drunk or something?" Karla asked, fully interested.

"No no! He's a child molester. He made me watch sometimes" she responded.

"Oh...that's not cool..."

"Well, that's a mood killer" Hidan said with a nod.

"You might know him! He's...uhh...darn; I can't even remember his name right now! Oh well, hope he's is alive and well!" she laughed openly, leaning against Hidan's shoulder. He was grinning up a storm and it took every bit of control to keep his hands on the bottle of sake he held. Maru then leaned very close to him and stared at him.

"Now that I look..." the drunk figure began. "Your eyes...are kinda cool" she finished, finally passing out onto the from her high intake of booze.

"Maru-kohai!! Are you dead?!" Tobi cried, seizing from jumping on the bed finally.

"No, she just finally reached her limit!" Karla laughed. She gasped as she saw Hidan shamelessly fondling Maru's breasts through her cloak. "Have you any type of shame or morals?!" she shouted.

"Nope!" he answered happily. He was then shoved off and glared down on by Maru's insane counterpart.

"Maru-kohai! You're alive~!" Tobi squealed, pouncing on her and hugging her tightly.

"I was never dead, you idiot..."

"Ohh! I get it, Nyaaa~! If the normal Maru is passed out, the evil Maru takes over!" the chibi ninja giggled.

"Who are you callin' evil?!!" Maru hissed, grabbing Karla up by her collar.

"D-definitely not you, Nyaaachuuuu!" she whined.

"Hmm, I thought so" she said with a smirk before dropping her. A knock came at the door and the room went quiet.

"Think we're making too much noise?" Karla asked.

"Open up or suffer 72 hours of torture!!" shouted a voice.

"You're gonna make us watch politics?!" Maru gasped in terror.

"Ah, its Itachi" Hidan said, opening the door. Itachi came in with Kisame close behind.

"What brings you in here, Nyachu?" Karla asked.

"Leader said something about making it more of a strain on the noob, or something like that" Kisame responded.

"WHAT?!" the crazy woman yelled.

"Heh heh, sucks to be you" Itachi snickered.

"I'm over here. You're talking to a plant..." she said, now fully aware of his near-blindness.

"Yeah" Zetsu said.

"Whoa!! How long has he been there?!" Hidan cried, pointing to Zetsu in the corner.

"The whole time, I just don't talk much and like to watch" the light half said.

"You voyeur!" Maru snickered.

"There's too many of us in here..." Hidan sighed.

"Tobi likes being all together!" Tobi declared.

"You like everything!!" Itachi shouted at Karla.

"Wrong person!" she cried.

"Well, pardon me!!" he shouted again sarcastically.

"Don't yell at her!!" Maru growled, standing in front of Karla defensively. Itachi shoved her away and into Kisame.

"Don't you touch her!" Hidan added furiously.

"And get off me, you noob!" Kisame said, knocking Maru over the head with his sword.

"Itaaaaiii!" she cried, falling over with swirly eyes. "Finally! I'm back in control!" she cheered, her insane side returning to just being a voice in her head.

"WAAAAIIIT!" Hidan yelled. Everyone shut up. "Why are we fighting? Wouldn't it be more logical to hurt the person who started the whole (BEEP)ing thing?" he asked, gesturing to Tobi.

"You're right!" everyone said at once, glaring at Tobi evilly. "Get him!!"

"Uhh...T-Tobi is a good boy?" he squeaked before all went dark thanks to Zetsu cutting off the lights.

Five minutes later...

"Aah~! I feel better!" Itachi sighed happily. Tobi was lying quietly in a corner. He was still alive, yet was severely beaten up.

"Now that we're all happier in some sick way...what do we do?" Kisame asked. A few seconds ticked by before everyone responded at once.

"Room service!!" they cheered.

"Hello? Yes. I wanna call in for room service please?" Maru said over the phone as everyone read from the room menu.

"Shrimp tofu please~!" Karla requested.

"I'll have the...no, I don't want that..." Kisame said, trying to figure out what he wanted.

"I'll take the onigri special!" Hidan said.

"A strawberry parfait..." Itachi said, sounding somewhat ashamed.

"An ice cream bar!" Tobi squealed, somehow completely healed.

"A raw steak" Zetsu added.

"Alright, we'll take the shrimp tofu, a raw steak, an ice cream bar, a strawberry parfait (giggle), the onigri special and...Uhh..."

"I want the fish-sticks!!" Kisame shouted.

"Oh, and a lemonade, too!" Hidan added.

"And the fish-sticks. Yeah, that's all" Maru confirmed.

"I want a lemonade, damn it!!"

"Fiiiine, and a kid-sized lemonade..." she finished.

"Nooo..." he said in a bratty-ish tone.

"And for me, I'll take the shark fin ramen. And bill it all to the room next door. Okay, thanks!" Maru said before hanging up.

"Kakuzu is gonna flip..." Zetsu's white half said.

"Who cares?!" Maru and Hidan said at once.

Once the food had arrived and everyone was enjoying themselves for once, Kisame noticed what Maru was eating and glared at her. "What are you eating?" he asked.

"Nothing!!" she exclaimed, quickly slurping down the rest of the ramen.

"Doesn't look like nothing...you're eating shark fins in that ramen!!" the demon shark yelled, yanking her towards him by one of her pigtails.

"Aaaahhh!! Let go!! Waahh!!" she cried. Kisame grinned evilly and spoke again.

"If I catch you eating shark fins again...you'll be in a world of hurt. Got it?"

"Y-yes mister demon shark person, sir..."

Itachi was smiling for a change as he ate his parfait and made sounds of enjoyment with every bite. "Are you eating a parfait or are you having sex?" Hidan asked.

"A little of both~" he responded without thinking. Everyone except Tobi snickered, he was trying to figure out eat his ice cream bar through his mask.

"Gasp! It that what time it is?!" Karla squeaked, pointing to the clock.

"Three in the morning...no wonder I'm feeling woozy..." Maru said with a yawn.

"But there are only two beds and seven of us" Hidan said. Tobi jumped back onto the bed he originally called dibs on.

"Me and Itachi will sleep in the same bed" Kisame said, pulling Itachi close to him by the arm

"Please let go of me..." he groaned.

"I'll sleep here in the corner" Zetsu said.

"I'll be with Tobi, nyaachuu~!"

"What about the noob?" Itachi asked. The sound or Maru's snoring was heard. She had gotten under the sheets of the vacant bed and was already asleep.

"That's not fair!" Kisame shouted. As if in cue, Maru rolled over to the edge of the bed, leaving plenty of room for Hidan, Itachi and Kisame. "No...I'm not sleeping in the same bed with her!!" he hissed.

------------------------

Ten minutes later...

Maru woke up and saw the lights were cut out. "So peaceful and quiet for once. I guess being an Akatsuki member isn't too bad" she thought, laying back down again and sleeping. An arm wrapped around her and held her close.

"Move it or lose it..." she muttered. Hidan then withdrew his arm and sighed.

"Shh!" Kisame shushed.

"Why are we all in the same bed? This is awkward..." Maru whispered. "You're telling me..." Itachi sighed.

"Are you saying I'm...awkward?" Kisame sniffled.

"No, I didn't mean it that way!"

"Lies!" he whined, shoving Itachi over, which made Hidan move over and knock Maru out of bed.

"That's it! I'm sleeping with my sempai!!" she barked, stomping over to Karla and Tobi's bed and laying down beside the sleeping Tobi.

"Thanks a lot, you ruined my chance!" Hidan snarled.

"Will you all just GO TO SLEEP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD?!!!" Leader roared from the other room. It was then quiet for the rest of the night.

The next morning, the bill was slipped underneath the door to Leader's room and Kakuzu looked it over. He then saw all the food that had been charged the night before. "WHAT THE HELL?!!" he exclaimed before fainting.

To be continued...  


* * *

Notes:

Maru gets demoted

Hidan has no shame!

Sasori STILL hates Maru

Itachi losses his swimtrunks

Zestu can hear Maru's insane side

Karla makes Hidan get sunbruned

Hidan and Maru fight for the bed!

We get insight about the crazy girl's father

Too much more to list~!!


	7. Akatsuki Daze: Comment Special 1

_**Author Note: **_**READ READ READ! This story is also posted on deviantArt and all the comments in bold below are from people on deviantART who left comments on past chapters. These were going to be left out from , but I found them too funny to not be added here, even though the comments are NOT from reviewers on . I hope you all still enjoy them and expect them after every new chapter I post from now on. Thank you! Laugh and Enjoy!**

* * *

Akatsuki Daze - The 1st Comment Special

"Welcome to the Akatsuki Daze comment special!" Tobi cheered hyperly.

"Just why are we doing this, sempai?" Maru asked.

"Because Tobi saw videos on the interweb about it! So Tobi wants to do it with his kohai!"

Maru sighed and looked off to the side. "Leader, are you sure I'll be promoted if I go through with this?" she whined.

"I'm sure!" he said from off screen.

"Our first comment is from PuppyLover! Hey, Tobi's likes puppies, too!"

**Omg please update soon this is so funny! Pretty please?!**

"Well, since this comment was from a while back. We did update. So you're welcome" Tobi said.

"Psst, Maru." Leader said.

"Hmm?" she asked, turning her head again.

"The fans want you to wear this!" he shouted, tossing her a costume. Maru left to go put on the outfit while Tobi stayed behind.

"I'll fill in for her while she's gone since I hardly have any lines in the story. This one is from MagiciansMaiden" Sasori said.

**OMG, this is absolutely great. I love it. Sasori is a kitty!**

"...WHAT?!! You mean I walked around for nearly two full episodes with whiskers on my perfectly carved face?!" he fumed.

"Sasori looked kawaii!" Tobi giggled.

"Grrr...damn that noob! I'll kill her next time I see her!"

"I'd actually like that right about now..." Maru hissed, coming back in the requested costume. It was a black playboy bunny girl suit. There was even an Akatsuki cloud pattern on it. Sasori banged his head against the table and began laughing up a storm, eventually falling out of his seat.

"Tobi's pants feel tighter all of a sudden..." Tobi said shyly.

"OH YEAH~!! Now THAT is fanservice!!" Hidan howled from off screen. Maru grabbed another paper with a comment on it and read it.

"Hmm, our next comment is from Dieingcity. Dieing? Your name is grammatically incorrect! Jeez! What is wrong with you people and your misspelled names?!" the insane writer ranted.

"Maru-kohai, just read the comment..." Tobi whispered.

"Oh, right..."

**wheee!! you know me and my ebil side- it just love love loved how Hidan nearly took her heehee...sorry Maru- i love those scenes when he gets you or you get him...and i love how Tobi and Karla covered each others eyes and i just laughed so hard when reading 'no i took a baby from candy' that was awesome line!**

**great great work heehee i love how you do Hidan**

"What? Hidan tried to do something to me? WHEN?! Oh you are so dead!!" Maru yelled off screen to Hidan.

"Maru, the fans also want you to speak a bit cuter. Maybe even say 'Nyachu' or something" Leader said.

"Hey, that's my line, nyachuu!" Karla squealed angrily.

"Oh, that does it...I'm out of here!! Maru said, dashing off screen.

"But you won't be promoted!" Leader scolded.

"No promotion in the world is worth me having to embarrass myself!" Maru's voice growled.

"Well, that seems about all Tobi and Maru-kohai have time for today. This has been the Akatsuki Daze comment special. Bye-bye!" Tobi said as he waved goodbye.

To be continued...


	8. Beckoning paws no Jutsu!

Akatsuki Daze – Chapter 7 – Beckoning Paws

"The insane writer Maru is still at large, but we have a lead on where she might be!" a news reporter exclaimed from the television. A shadowed figure looked up and began to finally pay attention. "This footage from Leaf Village bank shows Maru breaking in. With her appear to be members of the notorious Akatsuki. We have reason to believe she has joined them"

The screen then switched to the video of Tobi, Hidan, Maru and Karla wreaking havoc inside the bank.

"So...she finally grew bored of that institution. She even went after the Akatsuki...what a disappointment. Yet knowing her, she may destroy them from the inside! That's my girl, avenge your father for being kicked out of the team!" laughed the shadowed figure.

"One can only imagine the evil that Akatsuki are doing at this very moment!" the reported shouted.

"A corpse!! She's gotta be a corpse!" Kisame shouted. Maru was lying on the floor and not moving while a few others were around trying to guess what she was. Yes, they were playing charades.

How evil...

"A severed limb, un!" Deidara guessed.

"Bingo!" Maru said, finally getting up.

"I was close..." Kisame huffed.

"How the heck were we supposed to guess that?!" Karla shouted.

"You're just mad you haven't been able to guess a single thing and we're on round seven" Itachi snickered.

"At least I can SEE what's going on clearly..." she muttered.

"Maru!! Get in here now!!" Leader yelled from his room.

"What'd I do now?" Maru sighed, heading off to his room.

"Tobi will come too!" Tobi announced, following his kohai.

Thirty minutes later...

"Glad you could make it. It only took you half an hour to get here!" Leader said impatiently.

"This hideout is so confusing...and Tobi isn't what you'd call a map..." she whined, her head lowered.

"You've been demoted once, don't make me have to make it twice!"

"Yes sir...sorry"

"Now I called you here because I want you and Tobi to go on a mission"

"A mission?! REALLY?!!" Maru screamed excitedly, jumping up and down with Tobi.

"Yeah, here it is" he said, giving her a letter with a stamp on it.

"Is our mission inside the letter, Leader?" Tobi asked.

"No. Your mission is to go put that in the mailbox"

Maru fell over.

"WHAT?!! What kinda mission is that?! It's so simple an idiot like Tobi could do it!" she growled, slamming her hands down on Leader's desk. The sound of the letter being ripped in half was suddenly heard.

"Now it'll fit really well in the mailbox!" Tobi giggled.

"See why I want you to go with him?" Leader said, giving the seething writer another letter, knowing Tobi would've destroyed the first one.

"Seriously, why is he even a member?" she whispered to him.

"Because he's a good boy" he whispered back to her.

"Very well. C'mon sempai, let's go" Maru said, somehow satisfied with that answer.

After a long walk to the nearest mailbox and putting the letter inside, Maru and Tobi made their way back. "Siiigh...such a boring mission" the newbie groaned. "Maru-kohai. Tobi has a question!"

"What is it?"

"What kind of jutsu does Maru-kohai have? Tobi wants to see!" he squealed excitedly. Maru blushed and only walked faster. "Wait up kohai! Maru-kohai didn't answer Tobi-sempai's question!" he cried, catching up to her.

"I...d-don't have much! Only two..." she whimpered.

"Tobi wants to see one!! Show Tobi or Maru-kohai shall be punished!" he semi scolded.

"Fine fine! Stand back..." Maru said irritably. Tobi smiled from behind his mask and stood back. Lowering her head, Maru did a series of hand movements. "Bishie no Jutsu!" she yelled. In a puff of smoke, her female form was now gone and replaced with her handsome male version. Since she wasn't trying to knock Tobi out, this form didn't remove any of her clothing. Tobi snickered. "Happy?" she asked, poofing back into her busty self.

"Why would Maru-kohai need that jutsu?" the masked sempai asked.

"Just incase! Y-you never know!" Maru yelled. Then something rustled inside a bush near them and Tobi hid behind Maru. "Who's there?!" she shouted, griping onto her pen. Out of the bush crawled a tiny kitten and it mewled weakly at them both. Tobi and Maru nearly fell over.

"Aww, it's just a little kitty!" Tobi said with a sigh of relief. He went over and petted the grey-furred creature much to its liking.

"Mine!!" Maru said, pulling the kitten into her arms and stroking its fur.

"Maru-kohai should share!"

"You should grow a brain" she responded back. Poor Tobi sniffled at her harshness. "Let's take her back to the hideout!" Maru said, starting to walk off without Tobi.

"How does Maru-kohai know it's a girl?!" he gasped.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it later on..." she muttered. The kitten then seemed to giggle at her response.

Back at the hideout...

Karla was there to greet Maru and Tobi upon their return, but was stunned at the extra being that was now in Tobi's arms. "Nyaaachuuu~!! It's a kitty!" she squeaked, petting it gently.

"We found her after our poor excuse for a mission" Maru said.

"Can Tobi keep it, Karla-chan?" Tobi asked sweetly.

"You know the rules better than me, Tobi. Leader says no pets"

Maru and Tobi began to sniffle and Karla sweat-dropped.

"N-No, we can't!" she whined.

The sniffling got louder and they both started to whine. Even the stray began to make small mewling sounds.

"Leader would flip! I dun wanna be demoted...nyaaa" Karla said, trying to resist. The kitten then leaped from Tobi's arms and onto her chest and clung to her. "Chuuuu~! She's too cute!! We gotta keep her!" the ninja wailed, holding onto the kitten tightly.

"Let's name her then! We can't just call it 'the kitten'" Maru suggested. "Oooh!! Tobi has a name!" the sempai cried, raising his hand.

"Yes sempai?"

"Kitty's name is now Mr. Meep!"

"We already said it was a GIRL you idiot!!" Maru yelled. "Strawberry?" Karla asked in a hopeful voice.

"Hmmm, close...but she doesn't look like a Strawberry" the writer said, pondering a bit. "Muffin!" she said.

"That's worse than Strawberry..." Karla remarked.

"What are you all talking about?" Sasori asked, walking up behind Tobi. Maru gasped and took the kitten and hid it inside of her cloak quickly.

"N-Nothin' Sasori!!" Karla said shakily.

"Yeah! We were just...talking about muffins and strawberries!" Maru added, giggling nervously. Sasori looked at Maru closely and noticed something moving.

"Any particular reason your breasts seem to be moving?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Uhhh....puberty?" she tried to explain. The kitten then peaked up her head from Maru's collar and meowed at Sasori. Apparently she was looking at the red head's own pair of nearly permanent whiskers marked on his face.

"You really are a noob. Don't you know pets aren't allowed in the hideout?" he asked, grinning some.

"Don't tell Leader-sama!" Tobi whined.

"I'm gonna tell just to get Maru demoted. Maybe even fired" he chuckled, starting to walk off.

"Don't!!" Maru yelled, pouncing on Sasori and clinging to him.

"Get off me!" he shouted, shoving her off him.

"I'll do anything, just don't tell Leader and get me fired!" the writer cried.

"Aaaaaanything?" Sasori asked, smirking evilly enough to make even the kitten shiver.

"Ummm...y-yes..."

"Great. I won't tell Leader about the cat. I'll have some things for you to do for me later on, you noob"

With that said, Sasori left, leaving Maru to only imagine what would be done to her later. "I'm really starting to think he doesn't like me" she said, completely oblivious to the real fact that the puppet master hated her.

"We still need to name her! Nyaaa!" Karla said. Maru set the shaken kitten down and thought.

"Nanako?" Tobi said. Maru faced Tobi and smiled. That was cute!

"Sempai, say that again!" she demanded.

"That again!"

"No, the thing you said before that!"

"Nanako?"

"Yes! That's the perfect name for her!" she said, hugging her sempai tightly.

"Wheee!" was his only response. Only one tiny problem.

...Where was Nanako?!

"Ahhh!! She's gone! I just set her down and she vanishes!" Maru screamed in a panic.

"We gotta find her! What if she gets lost and starves to death?!" Karla wailed. Then a loud chomping sound was heard from down the hall.

"...I really...REALLY hope that wasn't who I think it was..." Maru gulped, shivering all over.

"It was..." the chibi ninja sighed.

"Zetsu-sama ate Nanako!!!" Tobi cried, rushing to where the sound came from. Maru and Karla followed suit. The trio ran into Zetsu's room.

"Hmm? Why are you all here?" he asked. Maru glared at him and shut the door...then locked it.

"Heh heh...why did you lock the door?" the white half asked nervously. Karla reached for the light switch and cut it off.

"Throw Nanako up right now!! Maru-kohai, help me!" Tobi's voice yelled in the darkness.

"Yes sempai!" the for once loyal student called. Loud thumping noises and the sound of regurgitation were heard.

"Again!" Karla yelled. Another blow came onto Zetsu's back and stomach again and another regurgitation occurred.

"M-Merow..." cried Nanako at last. Tobi was the first to pick her up.

"Eww, Nanako is all moist and sticky like Deidara's bed sheets!" he alleged.

"How could you, Zetsu?! Aren't you a cannibal?!" Maru hissed.

"I was hungry, damn it!! Now I'm even hungrier after you made me throw up...TWICE!!" the cannibal's voice thundered. The lights were cut on again and the now happy trio left Zetsu's room. "Who gonna clean this up?!" he yelled after them.

"Well it is YOUR room, Zetsu-san" Maru snickered.

"We gotta give her a bath now..." Karla said. Poor Nanako was covered in stickiness that was normally found in one's stomach lining. At the very mention of the word bath, she began to struggle in Tobi's surprisingly strong grasp. Nevertheless, the trio managed to get Nanako into the kitchen to bathe her in the sink. About a minute into the bath, Nanako began to protest.

"Stop wigglin' around!" Maru shouted, grabbing the soaking kitten by her tail to keep her still. Nanako hissed and bit down on the writer's hand. "Yeeeeoooowww!!!" she screamed, waving her hand around. But it was no use, the small fangs were stuck in her hand like glue.

"Nanako won't come off!" Tobi said, trying to pry open her mouth.

"I have an idea..." Maru sighed, looking in the pantry and pulling out a bag of dried shark fins from the very back. Nanako peered at the bag and instantly let go of Maru. "Here" she said, giving the kitten a small shark fin. She sniffed at it before taking it into her mouth and nibbling on it.

"Well, she's clean now. But how should we dry her off?" the tiny ninja asked. As if on cue, Nanako shook herself dry, making herself look like large fluff of dryer lent.

"What the?! Is that a cat?!" Itachi shouted, coming into the kitchen.

"n-no! It's Sasuke!" Karla said quickly, not thinking. Itachi readied to use his fire Sharingan, but Maru tackled him down.

"No!! It's not Sasuke, it's a cat!!" she shouted.

"Please get off me" he said calmly.

"Hold it!" Kisame said. Both Itachi and Maru looked up just in time to see Kisame snap a picture of them in a very compromising position.

"That one's going on deviantArt!" he laughed.

"Why you over grown fish! Gimme that camera!" Maru yelled, lunging at Kisame. He merely bashed her over her head with his free hand and she was down for the count.

"Where'd the cat come from?" Itachi asked as Nanako nuzzled against his leg.

"Tobi and Maru-kohai found Nanako after we went on our mission!"

"Y-yeah...and we gotta keep it a secret from Leader" Maru said, sitting up and rubbing her head. She blinked a few times and gasped. "I can't see any colors!"

"I dunno, I'm not getting demoted for keeping a cat around. What do you think, Itachi-san?" Kisame asked. He got no answer. This was because Itachi was occupied with cuddling Nanako tightly and giggling happily. Kisame shut up and began to record this with his camera. "I should be ashamed of myself, but this is just too damn funny!" he thought.

"Please Kisame-sama, can we keep it?!" Karla begged.

"It's not my position to say yes or no. you know that!"

Itachi, still holding onto Nanako, leaned against Kisame and looked at him. And he was pouting...

...Cutely at that!

"Gah!! Fine! I guess we can keep it if it remains outside!"The shark-nin sighed, defeated by his own partner.

"Gather you bastards, it's time for our meeting!!" Leader yelled, approaching living room. Itachi quickly shoved Nanako down Tobi's pants and regained his cold posture.

"Very impressive. You and Tobi are already here" Leader said, seeing Maru and Tobi upon entering the room.

"We're doing nothing wrong!" the writer said quickly, smiling a bit too innocently. Tobi was giggling uncontrollably. Leader narrowed his eyes before nodding, there was nothing out of the ordinary there. The meeting began when the other Akatsuki members came and sat in the living room. Tobi sat as still as he could with his hands in his lap. Maru was half asleep near the end of the meeting when Leader threw a pillow at her.

"Wake up!! And kindly tell me what I just said!"

"Umm...people who live in glass houses...shouldn't throw hard objects?" she guessed. Leader smacked his forehead and shook his head in disbelief.

"You're not eating dinner tonight" he said. Maru was going to complain, but Tobi's silent giggling escalated and he laughed aloud.

"Even her own sempai thinks its funny, un!" Deidara snickered.

"Tobi has a funny feeling in his pants~!" Tobi squealed as he laughed. Everyone muffled an oncoming fit of laughter.

"I'm not touchin' that one" Kakuzu commented.

"It's moving!!! Is Tobi still a good boy?!" the masked idiot screeched, squirming around where he sat.

"No comment..." Hidan said. Leader sweat-dropped and decided it was time to end the meeting.

"Oh no, don't tell me that put that creature in Tobi's pants..." Sasori thought, catching onto why Maru, Karla and even Kisame hadn't said anything. When Leader left to go back to his room and all were dismissed, Tobi reached into his pants and took Nanako out.

"Itachi, that was horrible of you!" Karla growled.

"I made sure to put her outside of his underwear, sheesh"

"So far she's been stuffed into my breasts, eaten by Zetsu, water-logged and now had a chance at molesting Tobi...I think she's seen enough action today" Maru said with a nod of the head. Kisame yanked Nanako from Tobi's hands and set her outside.

"Shoo!" he said, pointing off into the darkness of the forest.

"Meow!" she cried at him.

"You're an outside cat now. Get used to it" the demon shark said before shutting the door. The kitten pawed at the door a bit before sitting down and plotting a way to get back in.

Later that night...

Everyone had gone to bed and everything was quiet. The sound of a door slowly creaking open broke the silence. The figure crept down the hall and slid down the stair rail and went into the kitchen. "So...hungry" groaned the figure, reaching into the back of the pantry, grabbing the bag of shark fins and munching on a few, enjoying the feeling of bliss.

"Didn't Leader say you weren't supposed to have dinner tonight?" Kisame asked from behind her. Maru nearly screamed in shock, but covered her mouth.

"T-this isn't dinner..." she argued.

"True. Let me have one" he said, thinking she eating a bag of chips. Maru offered him a few without thinking. She was just relieved it wasn't Sasori. Or worse, Leader...

Kisame ate the supposed chips and froze. "Maru...what did I say about you and shark fins?" he asked calmly.

"Um, do not let you catch me eating them?"

"That's right. And here you are eating them. And you let ME eat them!!" he yelled/whispered. Heh, that was an oxymoron.

"G-Gomen nasai!" the pigtailed noob sniffled. Kisame grabbed her up by her pajama shirt and lifted her over one of his shoulders. Maru's head nearly hit the ceiling in this position due to Kisame's height, but that thought wasn't on her mind for long. She felt a sharp pain on her behind and before she could react another smack followed.

"For the love of...Kisame-sama is spanking me?!! H-he can't! I'm not a kid!" Maru thought, covering her mouth to make sure her cries weren't heard throughout the hideout. Kisame's hand landed over and over on its target and Maru flinched and jolted, pounding a fist on his back in semi-silent protest. "S-stop it! Please!" she sniffled, tears escaping her eyes. The smell of saltwater made Kisame confirm she had had enough and set her back on her feet, yet took her hands in his. "Let gooo!" she whined, trying to free her hands from his strong grasp.

"I want you to think about how sore you are now the next time you think of having any type of shark related snack, understand?" he asked.

"Y-yes mister shark person, sir..." the sniffling girl said, nodding rapidly.

"Jeez, speak like you're an adult. And stop crying!" he scolded.

"S-seventeen" Maru whined.

"Eh?" the shark-nin questioned, not believing what he heard.

"Seventeen and a half...m-my age" she repeated. Kisame groaned and let go of her hands. No wonder she acted so childish. Maru WAS still considered a child. Maru huffed and turned to leave. "Gottcha. I'm eighteen" she said softly so Kisame actually listened.

"Why you little-!" he growled, advancing on her. Just escaping, Maru ran back upstairs and into Tobi's room, leaving the demon shark in the kitchen.

Upstairs...

"Maru-kohai? Are you crying?" Tobi asked, reaching under his pillow and putting his mask back on before turning on the light on the nightstand.

"No sempai...go back to sleep" the busty girl said, holding back a sob.

"Why is Maru-kohai on her stomach?" Tobi asked, pulling the covers off him and Maru.

"I just noticed we share a bed..." Maru thought.

(You and me both, Maru...)

"Talking will make it feel better!" he chimed.

"Trust me, it won't" she grumbled, reaching for the sheets and covering herself all the way, even her head. Tobi whined, but let the subject drop and shut out the light. It was then turned right back on. "Turn it off!!" Maru yelled.

"Tobi can't! It's too dark!! Tobi is scared!" he cried.

"Does this help?" she groaned, holding onto his hand.

"A little..."

"I'm not gonna let anything get you"

"Even though you really do want something to get him" the voice in her head hissed.

"Just shut the lights off"

"Okay!" Tobi squeaked. And once again the room was dark.

The next morning...

Hidan was sleeping soundly, his Akatsuki cloak used for his blanket. He rolled over and yawned, trying to get another five minutes of slumber in. yet as he rolled over, the cloak rolled of a small furry animal that was sharing his bed. Nanako shivered and snuggled against Hidan, trying to get warmth.

"Hmm...is that you Maru? Naughty girl, sneaking into my room" he said slyly. He sat up and saw Nanako and screamed.

"THERE'S A PUSSY IN MY BED!!!" Hidan yelled.

"Yeah, yeah, don't rub it in..." Kakuzu said from one room over.

To be continued...

* * *

Notes:

Maru goes on her first mission with Tobi

A kitten is found

Sasori blackmails Maru

Zetsu eats the kitten

Tobi has a funny feeling in his pants thanks to Itachi

Kisame punishes the noob for eating shark fins...again!

Hidan went a whole chapter without harassing Maru. (GASP)


	9. Akatsuki Daze: Comment Special 2

_**Author Note: **_**READ READ READ! This story is also posted on deviantArt and all the comments in bold below are from people on deviantART who left comments on past chapters. These were going to be left out from , but I found them too funny to not be added here, even though the comments are NOT from reviewers on . I hope you all still enjoy them and expect them after every new chapter I post from now on. Thank you! Laugh and Enjoy!**

* * *

Akatsuki Daze - The second Comment Special

"We're back with the second Akatsuki Daze comment special!" Tobi squealed. Maru was seated next to him and reluctantly wearing the Akatsuki print playboy bunny suit.

"We've received many comments during our past update and we'll do our best respond to as many we can!" Maru said.

"Our first comment is from Dieingcity" Tobi said, looking over a comment.

"That person again?! Are you trying to test my patience as a writer?! Do I havta come find you and-" Maru was cut off by being hit over the head with Kisame's sword.

**bravo- i love this - and the addition of the kitty is so sweet i also like Itachi liking it and Kisame spanking Maru heehee- thats so great- he really is nice some times...and i love that Hidan freaked in the morning.**

"So that's why Maru-kohai was crying! Kisame-san spanked Tobi's kohai! Tee hee, Maru-kohai was naughty!" the masked idiot giggled.

"S-shut up!! It most certainly was NOT nice or pleasant in any way! Hell, it's hard for me to even sit in this chair!" the seething girl growled. Kisame snickered in the background. Suddenly the lights shut off.

"Damn it Kakuzu! I told you to pay that bill!!" Leader yelled.

"I didn't want to, but I did!" Kakuzu groaned.

"Aaah! Tobi is being Tobi-napped!" cried Tobi, his voice getting farther away. The sound of someone then running back and taking Tobi's place came and the lights then cut back on.

"Told you it wasn't my fault" Kakuzu said.

Maru screamed. Where Tobi was once sitting now sat Hidan. "I'll read the next comment. It's from MeL-xiNyi. Huh? ...what kinda (BEEP)ed up name is that?!" he asked, placing one hand under the table.

** AHHHAA. I LOVE the ending of this one nice work!! and at 4am too!**

"Yes, our writer likes to make sure her fans are happy. Even if it means staying up late to dish out the updates" Hidan said as he continued to fondle Maru's lower body from the privacy of under the table.

"Get your hand off my knee!" the current bunny girl yelled, kicking Hidan's chair out from under him and holding up another comment.

"Ah, this one is from an anonymous reader. Oh! And it's from our last comment special!"

** You get demoted for running out on your mission!**

"W-what?!" Maru sniffled before crying waterfalls, one of the streams drenching Hidan.

"Leader, did you send in that one?" the water-logged masochist asked.

"I dunno~" Leader snickered from off screen.

"Well, that seems to be all the time we have for today" Hidan said with a sigh of relief. Maru was then nudged with a paper.

"Hmm? What's this?"

"A last minute entry. I think it's pretty good!" Karla said with a smirk. Maru read the comment and laughed.

"I MUST read this one! Once again it's from an anonymous reader"

** This question is for Hidan-sama. Boxers or briefs?**

The whole Akatsuki began to laugh as Hidan sank in his seat. "Weeeell? Aren't you gonna answer?" the giggling writer asked slyly. He heaved a sigh and spoke.

"I..." he tried to say, but the laughter began again. "Well, I-" he tried again, but more laughter came. "I'm trying to say I-" he growled before, you guessed it, more laughing.

"Tobi, stop playing with the (BEEP)ing laugh-track!!" Hidan yelled.

"But Tobi likes the sound it makes!"

"Hurry and answer! We're nearly out of time, un!"

"Neither~" Hidan said, glancing over at Maru sexily.

"S-So, you're not wearing...any?" she asked nervously.

"Damn right. I hardly ever do~" he responded, scooting his chair closer to her.

"WELL! That's all the time we have for today!! Please keep the comments coming! Thank you and goodnight!" Maru said quickly as Hidan kept scooting closer and closer to her.

"If Hidan doesn't wear boxers or briefs...does that mean Hidan wears those skimpy panties meant for girls like Deidara-sempai does?" Tobi asked innocently.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO BRING THAT UP, UN!!" yelled Deidara before a large explosion occurred, making the still recording camera go into static.

To be continued...


	10. Heart to Heart no Jutsu!

Akatsuki Daze – Chapter 8 – Heart-to-Heart no Jutsu!

On this particular day it was raining lightly outside and the faint sound of raindrops hitting the window made both Tobi and Maru sleep longer that morning. Sleeping near Maru was Karla who snuck into bed late at night. She was actually holding onto her as she slept. "Nyachuuuu" she purred softly, waking Tobi up.

"Maru-kohai! It's time to wake up!" he giggled, nudging her shoulder. Maru slid her leg over and pushed him out of the bed.

"More sleep thank you" she yawned, curling back up into the sheets.

"B-but...too much sleep is bad!" he pouted.

"I'm willing to risk it, sempai"

"Get uuuup!" Tobi demanded, pulling the sheets off the bed all together. Karla yelped and looked around.

"Nyaa! What happened?!" she cried.

"Karla-chan, help Tobi get Maru-kohai out of bed!" Tobi said as he strained at pulling Maru out of bed by her ankles.

"Noooo! Let me freakin' sleep!!" she yelled, grabbing onto the head frame of the bed. Karla helped by hanging onto Tobi and pulling as hard as she could.

"Tobi will treat Maru to sushi if Maru gets up!" he bargained. Maru let go of the head frame and was pulled right against Tobi and they landed on the floor. Tobi was flat on the floor on his back with Maru sitting on his pelvic area.

"You mean it, sempai?! Honest?!!" she gasped, drooling some.

"Tobi would, but Tobi has no money" he said. Maru whined and bounced up and down on him.

"You shouldn't lie to your kohai!" the writer shouted.

"Are you guys up yet?" Sasori asked, coming in without even knocking.

"You said you'd treat me! Do it, sempai!" Maru cried as she kept bouncing. Obviously Sasori came in at the wrong time. He just starred at them before a smirk crept to his lips.

"Shall I leave you two alone?" he asked. Maru and Tobi weren't even thinking of what Sasori meant. For one, Maru was just focused on getting sushi and Tobi...well, he was just stupid. Karla however caught on and began giggling.

"Maru, when you're through, please come to my room" the redhead said.

"Why should I?" she asked, crossing her arms.

"You forget...I know about the furry creature that Leader isn't supposed to know about. Wouldn't it be a shame if he just somehow found out?"

Maru flinched at his words. "f-fine, I'll be in there as soon as I'm dressed" she sighed. The living wooden figure nodded and left. Maru got up, stepping on Tobi's chest, and went to the drawer her and Tobi shared and pulled out her Akatsuki cloak along with today's change of clothes. "Karla, cover his eye" she said. The ninja girl nodded and covered Tobi's seeing eye.

"Oooh! Are we playing Hide and Seek? Is Tobi it?! Should Tobi start counting?" he asked happily.

"Yeah, count to infinity" Maru said, beginning to undress.

"Okay!!" he squeaked as he began to count. Maru was dressed and out of the room after a few minutes. Yet and still, Tobi kept counting even after Karla left to prepare breakfast.

"I'm here" Maru said, knocking on Sasori's door. The door opened and she was pulled inside by Sasori's strings and held against a wall. "Oh no!! I was afraid of this! Y-you're gonna..." she began.

"No. You aren't my type..." Sasori said before releasing the strings, assuring her he didn't want her for THAT purpose. "I want you to drink this" he said, handing her a vial of red fluid.

"Oh sure! I was feeling thirsty" she said trustingly, suspecting nothing from the puppet master. After watching her drink down the liquid in less than a second, Sasori smirked.

"Feel anything?" he asked.

"Nope! I feel fine" Maru responded. As soon as that passed her lips, she clutched at her heart and fell to her knees gasping for air.

"Like the taste of my new poison? It constricts your heart and airways almost instantly"

"Y-You bastard..." she wheezed.

"Don't worry. You aren't going to die; it just puts you in extreme pain. The sealed vial with the antidote is over there" he said, pointing to his desk. Yet where he pointed sat Nanako, the vial being held in her mouth.

"...uh oh" Sasori said, stepping over to the kitten. Nanako leaped away and ran down the hall. Sasori began to run after her, but fell to his knees alongside Maru. "What the?! What's happening?" he gasped suddenly feeling weak. Both Maru and Sasori soon passed out on the floor.

Thirty minutes later...

"Uugh..." Sasori groaned, sitting up from the floor and rubbing at his eyes. But something felt different. His skin was soft and not hard wood anymore. But on closer inspection, he saw his hands. Well, not his hands...

...but Maru's.

"What..." he gasped, feeling his hair. It was in pigtails. "The..." he slid his hands down over his chest. There was heaviness. Sasori tensed up and warily put a hand down his pants and felt around. GONE!

"FUCK!!! I'm in her body!!" he screamed.

"I'm so cold!! No warmth!" Maru cried. Sasori turned and saw himself whining and shivering. "What the hell was in that drink?!" she yelled, trapped in Sasori's wooden frame.

Sasori blushed and hugged his new body. He sighed with content at how warm he was for a change. "So soft...even here~" he thought, squeezing at his chest.

"Stop molesting my body!!" the writer whined, detaching her arm and reattaching it. This was something she really didn't want to get used to.

"This is all wrong. It looks like prolonged exposure to this poison makes the poisoner and the poisoned change bodily forms" he said, finally refraining from hugging himself.

"Nice work, genius..." Maru hissed.

"We should go back to normal once we get that antidote from that furball" he said simply taking a step out of his room.

"Maru!! What did I tell you last time about eating shark fins?!" roared Kisame, towering over the pigtailed annoyance.

"Eh?" Sasori asked, fully confused.

"Don't play dumb. We had a 'talk' the other day about it. But I found two empty bags of dried shark fins in the trash this morning...no one else in this hideout likes them but you!!"

Sasori opened his mouth to speak, but was dragged off by the angry demon shark. "What the hell?! Put me down!! I demand you put me down!!" he shouted, but it was futile.

Maru glanced at Sasori being carried to Kisame's room and snickered. "Thanks Sasori no baka, you deserve to be punished for using me as a lab rat!" she thought evilly.

"Itaaaiiiii!!!" Sasori wailed from inside Kisame's room.

"Shut up! You deserve this, you brat!" Kisame scolded.

Ten minutes later...

"I'm gonna kill you..." Sasori hissed at Maru, who was laughing. "I'll kill you so hard, that you'll die!" he continued, trying to rub the agonizing sting away. Nanako then scurried past them, the vial still in her mouth.

"Get her!!" Sasori shouted, running after the fury creature along with Maru. "Nana-chaaan~" called a voice. The kitten ran towards the voice and was scooped up into Itachi's arms.

"You're too attached to that thing..." Maru muttered.

"Hmm? What's this in your mouth?" Itachi asked, removing the vial from Nanako's mouth. Sasori snatched it out of his hands and handed it to Maru. Itachi was too occupied holding and cuddling the purring ball of fluff to care about whatever was in the vial. Maru drank from the vial and immediately fell to the floor wracked with pain followed by Sasori, minus the screaming.

"Who's a good girl? Who's a good girl?!" Itachi squealed as he nuzzled noses with Nanako. One would suspect that not even an explosion would take his current attention off her.

Thirty minutes later...

Maru opened her eyes and looked at her hands. They weren't wooden! "I'm myself again!" she chirped, hugging herself tightly and giggling.

"This poison is neither a success or a failure. Thank you for being my test subject, you noob. We'll be doing this again real soon~" Sasori said, not even trying to hide the enjoyment in his voice.

"I'm REALLY starting to think you don't like me..." she thought as Sasori walked off.

"Five million eight hundred and three...five million eight hundred and four...five million eight hundred and five..." Tobi's voice came from the room he and Maru shared.

"Oh no. Don't tell me he's still counting!!" Maru groaned, standing up and going into the room. Sure enough, Tobi was rocking back and forth while still counting from earlier that morning.

"Stop counting, moron!!"

"But Tobi hasn't reached infinity yet!"

"NO ONE can count to infinity!"

"Tobi is gonna do his best! Tobi is a good boy! Now...where was Tobi? Tobi can't remember and has to do it all over!" he whined.

"Sempai, you won't be a good boy if you count to infinity" she said simply.

"Nooooo!! Tobi wants to be a good boy!" he cried, seizing from counting and holding onto Maru and sniffling.

"Then take me out for sushi"

"b-but Tobi has no money!"

"Then Tobi is not a good boy" Maru said with an evil smirk. It was rather fun manipulating her sempai. Tobi burst into tears and held onto his kohai even tighter. She was kind of expecting that reaction, but it still made some guilt form. "Sempai, it's alright. You're still a good boy"

The tears stopped within a second and she could somehow tell Tobi was smiling from behind his mask. What was the deal with that thing anyway, she wondered. The curiously vanished when a pair of familiar hands grabbed her from behind. "I'm never going more than twenty-four hours without doing this ever again~" Hidan breathed into Maru's ear as he grabbed even harder.

"Get off me!!" Maru screamed, jabbing her elbow into his side and twisting around, landing a slap on the side of his face; much to his liking.

"Come now, is that any way to treat the person who is willing to fulfill your request?" Hidan asked slyly.

"Whatever it is, I don't want it from you!" she fumed.

"Oh well," he said with a shrug of his shoulders. "Guess you don't want any sushi"

He turned to leave, but Maru grabbed the sleeve to his cloak. Turning his head, he saw her staring at him with large eyes. "Sushi...pwease..." she whined. Hidan grinned inwardly. "As long as Tobi-sempai can come with us" she added. The deranged priest went pale as Maru smirked. She knew not to trust Hidan and wanted someone there incase he tried to drug her again.

"Tobi gets sushi, too?!" Tobi asked.

"Yes sempai. And Hidan is treating so you can get whatever you want" Maru assured. While Tobi cheered, Hidan groaned at his lost chances. He was going to have to get more money from Kakuzu and knew that was going to be like pulling teeth. Very hard and painful.

"And that's where babies come from, Tobi" Maru sighed as she, Hidan and Tobi walked into town.

"Tobi is still confused!" the masked nin said.

"You can just watch the process from my room later. That is, if Maru consents" Hidan said, slipping his arm around her shoulders as they walked. Maru growled and pushed him away, but ended up pushing herself back since Hidan was pretty strong and knocked her back. As she regained her footing, she nudged against one of the town's many passerbies', knocking them down.

"Oh! I'm sorry!!" the writer apologized, bowing her head several times.

"Maru-kohai! C'mon!" Tobi shouted from far off. He and Hidan had found the sushi bar and were waving at her to hurry up. She sprinted off, leaving the bystander to get up.

"Was that...no. She can't be..." he thought, watching Maru run off into the sushi bar.

"Are you alright?" the man's aide asked.

"Yes. I was just thinking we should get some sushi..."

"Are you trying to get me drunk? Our food hasn't even arrived yet..." Maru said, watching Hidan closely as he poured her another small dish of sake.

"Maybe~" Hidan said with a smirk. Tobi was breaking apart many pairs of wooden chopsticks innocently and carefully.

"What are you doing?" his kohai asked, glancing over at him. "Tobi believes in good luck! Breaking chopsticks evenly along the line means good luck!" he giggled.

"Hah, I have all the luck on my side thanks to Jashin-sama!" Hidan scoffed. Maru was intrigued and took a pair of unbroken chopsticks and pulled them apart. Tobi and even Hidan gasped.

Never had either of them seen such a terribly uneven break. "That's...not good" she whined.

"You're screwed" the voice in her head teased.

"Shut up..." she muttered. Before long, their sushi arrived. Maru ate her sushi in such a manner that it sounded like she moaning softly in pure pleasure as she ate.

"Are you eating or having an orgasm?" Hidan asked with a chuckle. His answer was being kicked in the shin from under the table.

"What's an orgasm?" Tobi asked.

"I'll tell you on the 31st of February" Maru answered. Tobi nodded excitedly and lifted his mask up just enough for him to eat silently. It was very peaceful after that, until Hidan whispered, "Damn it, someone's watching us..."

Maru glanced her eyes over the room, no one looked suspicious, but that's since she was facing the wrong way. "Don't turn around" he snapped, holding onto her hand.

"W-Why?" she asked, trembling.

"Some weird guy is staring at you. He has been since we came"

Tobi sank down into his seat, so did Maru. "Let's just pay and get the hell out of here" Hidan instructed.

"Tobi has to go to the bathroom..."

"Fucking hold it!!" Hidan scolded.

"Tobi has been since this morning!"

Their waiter walked up and placed a dish of food in front of Maru. "Uh, I didn't order this" she said.

"That man in the corner requested it for you. How lucky you are!" the waiter said friendlily. Maru looked at the dish and gasped. "Shark-fin sushi! My favorite!" she said in awe.

"That's the expensive kind...you shouldn't eat it" Hidan advised. He was about a second too late; Maru was already done and was panting at how good it was.

"w-what the fuck?! Where'd it go?!" the priest shouted. Maru belched in response, answering his question.

"Maru-kohai is going to choke one day from eating that fast!" Tobi whined.

"I can't choke that easily. I'm deep-throated" she said with the purest thought of the word, not even thinking of the suggestiveness. Hidan had to think of something else to keep himself from getting a boner at her comment.

"So Maru-kohai can swallow big things? Like bananas?" Tobi asked.

"No, those are too big. Plus you're supposed to chew those first"

"Okay!! Let's leave!" Hidan half moaned, his arm moving under the table.

"I think you're a little busy...plus, I wanna thank the person who got me the sushi" Maru said, turning around to see who it could've been. She saw a pale looking man was gesturing her over as soon as she turned. Standing up, she went over to him and his aide and bowed her head. "Thanks for the sushi, sir"

"It was nothing, dear Maru" he responded, looking up at her with piercing eyes. Maru stepped back a bit and reached for her pen.

"How the hell do you know my name?! My nick-name no less! Who are you? Tell me!" she said only loud enough for him and his aide to hear loud and clear.

"You certainly were locked up for too long. You don't remember that he's your father" the aide said. Maru's eyes widened and she nearly lost feeling in her legs.

"Dear Maru, it's been far too long. We must...catch up on things" the dark haired, pale skinned and snake-like looking man said, standing up and placing a hand on his daughter's head.

"Run! Run stupid!!" the voice in the trembling writer's head screamed. Ignoring it, Maru held onto him tightly. The hug wasn't returned, but was accepted. This was definitely her father. The one and only Orochimaru himself.

Maru shakily walked back to Hidan and Tobi. "Did Maru-kohai thank the person?" her sempai asked.

"Yeah" she said bluntly.

"I paid our bill, lets go back" Hidan said, recovered from the erection he had a few minutes ago.

"You and Tobi go. I'll catch up"

"But kohai..." Tobi began to say.

"I have to get something in town! I'll be fine!" Maru said with a smile.

"We'll get it with you" Hidan insisted.

"I'll be FINE!" her inner self yelled.

"Jeez, PMS much..." he thought. "Fine, we'll go. But try to be back before dark. Believe it or not, Leader may worry about you" he said aloud before leaving the bar with a reluctant Tobi.

"Good girl. Obedient as always" Orochimaru's voice said from behind her as his hand landed on her shoulder.

He lead her to the alley behind the sushi bar and spoke to her. Kabuto came incase she became violent. That was something Orochimaru knew for a fact wouldn't happen, but Kabuto just wanted to make sure.

"You've grown over the years. How was the institution?" he hissed.

"I got whipped a lot" Maru said with a laugh, raising a chuckle from her father.

"Strange family..." Kabuto thought. Orochimaru then cut to the point.

"Maru, I want you back in my lair within the hidden sound village with me. Sasuke is training under me and- ...why are you laughing?"

"He's training _under_ you~" she giggled, knowing her father was a pedophile. That joke was just begging to be laughed at. She was hit over the head and stopped laughing quickly.

"As I was saying...Sasuke is training under me. He keeps getting hurt and you could help Kabuto in healing him"

"Gomen nasai, but I don't know any healing jutsu. Plus, I have other commitments..." Maru sighed.

"I was going to comment on that. You're in the Akatsuki I see" he said, grabbing onto the collar of her cloak firmly. "I'm the only family who accepts you as the criminal you've become. You either come back to me or cut all ties with me and stay in the Akatsuki. But you must think this over. If you are cut from that team, you won't have anywhere else to turn. And you just hate being alone..._riiiight_?"

Maru lowered her head. Her own father got her where it hurt most. "Three days" he spoke again.

"Huh?" she sniffled.

"In three days, come back to me and tell me your decision. I know you'll make me proud with your answer" Orochimaru said calmly before walking off with his assistant. Maru stood against the cold alley wall for a good hour after he was long gone. Rain began to fall and drenched her through her clothes in no time at all. Almost emotionlessly, she made her way back to the Akatsuki hideout.

To be continued...

* * *

Notes:

Sasori uses Maru as a lab rat

Body switch takes place!

Kisame spanks Sasori

Itachi has a kitten obsession

Tobi tries to count to infinity

Hidan is back to groping Maru

WE FIND OUT WHO MARU'S FATHER IS!!


	11. Akatsuki Daze: Comment Special 3

_**Author Note: **_**READ READ READ! This story is also posted on deviantArt and all the comments in bold below are from people on deviantART who left comments on past chapters. These were going to be left out from , but I found them too funny to not be added here, even though the comments are NOT from reviewers on . I hope you all still enjoy them and expect them after every new chapter I post from now on. Thank you! Laugh and Enjoy!**

* * *

Akatsuki Daze – The 3rd Comment Special

"Welcome to the third Akatsuki Daze Comment Special!" Tobi cheered hyperly. Speaking of cheers, Maru was now wearing a black cheerleader's uniform that was printed with the red clouds of the Akatsuki.

"I really hate this job..." she whined.

"Maru-kohai is cute! But Tobi liked the bunny one better!" Tobi commented. He then was smacked in the face with a pom-pom.

"Welcome to our third episode of Akatsuki Daze Comment Special. Me and Tobi shall answer to your comments and fan-mail. Your comments drive us, so thank you very much!" Maru cheered, jumping up and down as she waved her pom-poms.

"Shake your hips more!" Leader said from off screen.

"NO!" she yelled back.

"Our first comment is from a new reader named Hidanismyguy" Tobi said, reading the comment.

"WHAT?!!" Hidan yelled in the background.

**lolz! Tobi is such a idiot **

"Maru-kohai, what's an idiot?" the masked nin asked. Maru simply held a mirror up to him. "Tobi doesn't get it. Tobi is looking at Tobi!" he whined, really wanting to know.

"Our NEXT comment is from long-time reader and first-time commenter DiamondDecay" Maru announced.

** Ewww...fugly-ass Orochimaru is her father?!?!? YUCK, MAN!!!!!!! **

"HEY!! Do not call him that! He can be very handsome...if you don't stare right at him...and squint your eyes a bit...and kinda not look with your left eye..." Maru hesitated.

"Only die-hard fan-girls think he's hot, un" Deidara said, standing beside Maru in a matching cheerleader outfit.

"Deidara! What the hell are you wearing?!!" Maru yelled.

"Kakuzu made me one, too! You think it's too short, un?" he asked, fiddling with the skirt.

"Moving on..." Sasori groaned from behind the recording camera.

"Let me read one, un!!"

"NO!!" Tobi and Maru yelled.

"Let him read one, damn it!!" Leader yelled.

"Yay, un!!" Deidara cheered, leaping up and down. Everyone was grateful he was wearing boxers today. "This one is from our fan DieingCity, un"

***runs round screaming* there were so many good things in this- it is hard to say what i liked...of course i am mad you had to leave it to be continued- yet i like that you did**

I enjoy the Hidan scenes there such fun- there were just so many things that happened- i love how you wrote the feeling of being tired when its gray out and lightly raining.

bravo on this all- i was half expecting Tobi to get smart and Maru to wisen up and they both realize they really do care about each other- not romantically but perhaps in a close friend way.

"I agree. I don't like cliff-hangers much myself!" Maru said, nodding in agreement. Deidara snickered. "She thinks you and Tobi have a thing for each other, un!!" he laughed. Maru stared at Tobi for a second, then began laughing along with the blonde-haired artist. Tobi, not knowing what to do, shrugged his shoulders and began to laugh too.

"Our next comment is from PuppyLover, Nyachuuu~!" Karla squealed, holding up a comment and waving it around frantically. Maru glanced over at the chibi ninja and held her nose from bleeding. Karla was in a cheerleading outfit just like her and the explosion enthusiast.

**Hehe Sasori gets spanked! Tobi trying to count to infinity is funny! Great chapter**

"That WASN'T funny!!!" Sasori yelled, the camera shaking in his grasp.

"That was YOU?! I'm sorry..." Kisame apologized.

"Of course it was me, you...you...YOU!!" the puppet master said angrily, not able to think of anything to call Kisame at the moment.

"Was that the last comment?" Tobi asked. "I think so. Now we have the fan-mail to answer, un"

"Being the leader and all, I'll read the first anonymous comment" Leader said, coming into camera frame with a letter in his hand.

**LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!**

Leader stared at the letter with a stress vein on his head. "......What the hell does LOOOOOOOL mean?!!" he shouted.

"Zetsu, do you know, un?"

"Not really. Some kid shouted it at me once...then I bit his head off and chewed it to bits. It was pretty funny afterwards, though. Well, funny for me, that is" Zetsu responded with a chuckle.

"I'll read this one" Maru said, taking another letter out of the anonymous box.

**I think it would be awesome if there was a dress change and Maru wore a cheerleader outfit instead. Oh! And have Deidara and Karla dress up too!**

"Well...you're welcome..." the writer said, crumpling up the letter in her hands.

"Tobi shall read the next one!"

**It's cool how Orochimaru is Maru's father. He's one of the best villains! But I want to know who Maru's mother is, too!**

"Yeah, un! Who is your mother? Lemme guess, she's uglier than Orochimaru, un!" Deidara said slyly.

"I rather not discuss this. My father was drunk one night and slept with one of his partners...that's all I know!"

"Was it Kabuto?" Karla asked. Everyone except Tobi fell over.

"That'd be awkward!! He's a guy! Yet it is more logical since Orochimaru is homosexual" Maru said, pondering on that.

"There's always the whole M-preg theory that fan-girls made up years ago, un"

"What's M-preg?" Tobi asked sweetly.

"NOTHING!!!" all the Akatsuki members shouted at once.

"We only have time for one more! So please let it be a good one..." Maru sighed, knowing already it wasn't going to be. Karla took a letter out of the box and read it.

**For the ending of one of the comment specials, the Akatsuki should all do the Haruhi-dance!!**

"PASS!!" Leader yelled.

"B-but...that sounds like fun..." Kisame said.

"The Akatsuki shall not degrade themselves by doing such a ridiculous display of fan induced foolery!!" Leader lectured.

"It's not like anyone is watching us!" Sasori added, completely forgetting HE was the one recording the whole episode.

"Forget it! Plus, the Haruhi-dance is kinda played out. It's all about the Lucky Star dance now"

"How does Leader know about that?" Maru asked skeptically. He was at of lost of words for a second or two and then reacted.

"I...I dunno!! Maru! You're demoted!!!" he yelled quickly. The busty girl then burst into tears.

"Well, that's all we have for today! Thanks for viewing the third Akatsuki Daze Comment Special! Bye-bee!" Tobi said, waving at the camera before it cut into static.

To be continued...


	12. Innuendo no Jutsu!

**Akatsuki Daze – Chapter 9 – Innuendo no Jutsu!**

Maru slowly walked back to the place she has become used to calling home. She was sopping wet and coughing as she trudged herself through the rain.

_Three days...three days...three days..._

Those words of Orochimaru ran on loop in her already unstable brain. "What are you going to do?" the inner Maru asked. Sighing, she did the shadow clone jutsu and made her inner voice a temporary body to work with.

"I don't know what I'm going to do"

"The pedophilic bag of douche is right though. What if you do get cut from the Akatsuki after you cut ties with him?"

"Leader said the only way that happens is if I die or run away" Maru said.

"Look miss optimistic, that may look good on paper, but you're considered the noob and no one takes you seriously. Plus, where's your ring?"

"Ring?"

"Are you blind?! Each of them is wearing a ring on a different finger. I'd say its standard uniform, but that delicious Karla girl has neither a cloak nor a ring"

"I think that's due to personal reasons. In any case, I've never been into jewelry anyway. And you keep your hands off my little Karla-chan!"

"I can't promise that!" the insane counterpart sneered, licking her lips.

"I'll just wade out these three days and make the decision of leaving or not" Maru assured, nodding her head. Her counterpart shrugged her shoulders and her body vanished in a puff of smoke. Maru jolted at the feeling of her evil side returning to her mind and jolted again from sneezing three times in a row.

"I'm back" she sniffed, setting foot into the hideout.

"Maru-kohai!!" screeched the now familiar voice of her sempai as he pounced her into a hug.

"Didn't you say you needed to buy something? Where is it?" Hidan asked.

"I couldn't find it" Maru lied.

"Kohai is all wet!" Tobi said, looking her over.

"Walking in the rain has that effect, sempai" Her cloak was soaking wet and even her hair was dripping at the strands.

"Go lie down" Itachi said. That sounded perfect to Maru at the moment and wasted no time going upstairs to her and Tobi's room. Not too soon afterwards angry pounding came at the door.

"What is it?" the now pajama clad writer asked, opening the door.

"Did you enjoy your outing with Hidan and the idiot?" asked Kakuzu angrily.

"Oh yeah! It was awesome! Can we do that again someday?!" she squeaked excitedly, not even noticing he was angry.

"Hidan promised he'd pay me back the money from your little venture. And he meant that YOU would pay me back"

"Sorry, I'm broke" she said, nearly shutting the door before it was forced open again.

"There's another way I can get a profit from you, if you catch my drift" Kakuzu said, smirking some. Maru stared at him for a second, then gasped and pointed behind him.

"Look! A dollar!!" she gasped.

"I saw it first!!" he shouted before looked behind him. Maru took that window of opportunity to shut the door and lock it. But after she did, a few black threads slipped under the door and were able to unlock the door from the inside.

"I'm really starting to regret living here...what's next? People can take their heads off and still be alive?" the girl thought. When Kakuzu opened the door, he took what he was holding behind his back and held it up for Maru to see.

"Either meet my demands, or I won't fix his head back on his stupid body!" he growled. He was holding Hidan's dismembered head. He was in ritual form, of course.

"Before you start flipping out, don't worry. I'm fine" Hidan's head said. Maru didn't flip out; not at all. She fainted!

"Well, that makes this job a bit easier. She won't put up a fight while I undress her" Kakuzu said with a shrug.

"Now put my fucking head back on my fucking body!! I want to be able to enjoy watching what you do with her and I kind of need my right arm and lower body!"

"Who says I'll let you watch?"

"Please Kakuzu-chan? With sugar on top?" Hidan asked sweetly. Kakuzu just sighed.

Fifteen minutes later...

Groaning some, Maru finally awoke and rubbed her head. She felt cold and shivered some. "Ah, the little bunny has woken up" Kakuzu said. Maru looked around and saw she was in Kakuzu's room and sitting on his bed. Even more shocking, she had been somehow stripped of her clothes and was in a black playboy bunny suit that had the red clouds of the Akatsuki sewn onto it. Apparently Kakuzu made the outfit himself.

"What the hell is this?!!" Maru yelled, sitting up and about to lunge at him. Unfortunately for her, her wrists were held firmly in shackles chained to the bed posts. She was allowed to move, just not very far.

"Oh Jashin-sama, she looks completely helpless!" Hidan said with a grin. Hell, she pretty much was.

"Please don't hurt me!!" she cried. She was caught off guard when the flash of a camera went off. The mixed feeling of relief and anger filled her.

"Hurt you? No, that'll be Hidan's job later if he sees fit" Kakuzu said simply, taking another picture.

"Like hell he will. ...And why are you taking pictures of me?!"

"For money. Since you claim to be broke, I'll get a large profit from selling these pictures to various porn magazines"

"That is low...I shall not cooperate!" Maru said, crossing her arms. Hidan then held up Nanako by the back of her neck and held his scythe to her neck.

"Nooo!!! Don't do it!! I'll cooperate!" she cried frantically.

"Good bunny~" Kakuzu said slyly, making sure to get a picture of Maru on the verge of tears. Hidan dropped the kitten and she scurried off back to Itachi's room. "Now lay back and open your legs a little" the money hoarder directed. Maru reluctantly obeyed.

"You shall pay..." the voice in her head snarled.

Many poses later...

"Can I please stop now? This is getting weird..." she whined as she nibbled on a large carrot.

"Yes, you're all done" Kakuzu said without even a hint of lust in his voice. He was acting very professional about this. Hidan on the other hand...

"Ew...that's gross!" the writer said, knowing what Hidan was doing as he sat facing a corner.

"Aaaahhn~!" he moaned. Kakuzu unlocked the shackles on Maru's writs and handed her clothes to her.

"You can keep the costume. No one else has your particular measurements" he stated.

"Gee, thanks...I think..." she said, taking her clothes and hurrying out of the room and back to hers before anyone else could see her in the ridiculously sexy bunny outfit. "Three days...I don't think I'll need THAT long to decided if I wanna stay here. Especially after what I just went through!!" Maru growled, changing out of the suit and putting her clothes back on.

"Maru!" squealed Karla as she pounced on her.

"Oh yes~!" cried the voice in Maru's head.

"Leader sent me to tell you to come to his office, Nyaaachuuu!" she giggled. The pigtailed writer groaned loudly.

"Tell him I'm sick..."

"But Maru, I think he's thinking about promoting you!"

"I highly doubt that. And I really should try to get some rest. Just tell him...I'm dying"

"But you aren't!"

"Maru-kohai is dying?!!" Tobi gasped, suddenly behind Maru and holding onto her.

"No sempai. I'm just not feeling well enough to be yelled at by Leader"

That didn't stop Tobi. Maru found herself being dragged to Leader's room quite easily.

"Ah, you came" Leader said at her arrival.

"What'd I do this time? Just demote me so I can go try to rest" she groaned, her face oddly pale for a change.

"You aren't being demoted. I have a mission for you and Tobi to complete. This one has a time limit, too" he said. Some color returned to the writer's face and she smiled.

"Finally! Alright, let's do it!" she cheered. Leader handed her a book.

"Return that to the library before six"

Maru gave the book to Tobi before facing Leader again. "Why are we getting the easy missions?!" she hissed.

"I'm not going to give you something you can't handle. So until I get proof of your skill, you're stuck with simple missions. Now go return it! It's ten minutes to six!"

"There are no pictures in this book!" Tobi whined as he flipped through the book quickly. Maru grabbed Tobi by the back of his cloak and dragged him off to get their so-called mission out of the way.

"She's gone" Leader said. Hidan and Kakuzu then stepped out of the shadows of the room.

"Let's get to setting up those microphones" Hidan said with a grin.

Thirty minutes later...

"T-thanks Tobi-sempai..." Maru sniffled as they entered the hideout. It was still raining and Maru became fully soaked in the rain again. On the way back, Tobi used his cloak to hold over his kohai.

"Tobi is happy to help his kohai! Tobi is a good boy!" he giggled modestly. Little did they know that a few tiny microphones had been set up in the room they shared.

"Maru-kohai is shivering!" Tobi said once he and Maru were inside their room.

"I hadn't noticed, sempai..." she said sarcastically, removing her cloak. Tobi surprisingly took the hint and left so she could change. "Hmm, he's learning"

"Onee-sama! You're back!" Karla cheered, bursting into the room without even knocking.

"EEEEEEK!!!" Maru shrieked, covering herself. Karla blushed and covered her eyes.

"I...I...I didn't mean it, nyaaaaa!! Please don't think I'm a pervert, nyachuuuu!!" she cried.

"N-No...I'm just glad you're a girl"

"I heard screaming. What's going on?" Itachi asked, appearing in the doorway.

"ITACHI!!!! GET OUT!!" Maru screamed, getting red in the face.

"What?! I didn't do anything!" he shouted defensively.

"Oh right, you're kinda blind..."

"Wait...are you...not dressed at the second?"

"Yeah, she's putting on dry clothes!" Karla chirped.

"Gee, thanks Karla-chan. Shout it for the whole hideout to hear..." the writer sighed. Itachi blushed faintly before leaving quickly.

"I saw nothing!" he said. Maru quickly changed into dry clothes and cracked her neck.

"Aaah! Don't do that, chuu!" the tiny ninja squealed, covering her ears.

"Don't do what?" Maru asked, cracking her neck once more. Karla screamed shivered all over.

"That!!"

"Sorry, but being soaked from the rain made me have to crack my neck and other places. I'm all stiff..."

"Can Tobi come in now?" Tobi asked, peeking his head into the room.

"Yes sempai" Maru said, cracking her neck a third time.

"Don't do that, kohai! Or your head will come off just like Hidan's!!" he cried.

"But my whole body hurts!" she whined.

"Tobi will fix it!" the masked sempai said before pouncing Maru face down onto their bed.

"What the hell are you doing?!!" Maru shouted. She then felt Tobi begin to rub her shoulders, easing some of the tension. Karla stared for a second, then gasped.

"I gotta go start dinner, Nyaaachuuu!" she shouted before dashing out of the room and shutting the door behind her.

Meanwhile...

"Shh, I hear something!" Leader said. The microphones in Tobi and Maru's room finally began to work and transmit sound into Leader's room through some speakers.

"S-Sempai...are you sure you know what you're doing?" Maru's voice asked timidly.

"Uh-huh! Tobi read a book about how to do this! Just relax, kohai!" Tobi's hyper voice chimed. Kakuzu fell silent at those words and listened more intently.

"Mmmm~! Sempai...you're better than I thought you'd be!" she moaned.

"Tobi must have magical fingers!"

"...What the fuck?!!" Hidan shouted.

"Shhh!!!" Leader and Kakuzu shushed.

"Oooh! Yes, r-right there, sempai!! Press harder!" Maru purred.

"B-But! Tobi doesn't wanna hurt his kohai!"

"I can take it! Just press down harder or I'll raise myself up more!"

A horrible snapping sound was heard over the speakers and Maru's loud scream was heard. "YES!! That was awesome~!!" she squealed.

"Should Tobi get Maru-kohai's throat? Does that place need attention, too?"

"What? So you can choke me? I'll pass..."

"Then Tobi will start to make Maru's bottom un-tense!" he giggled.

"Touch me there and die!!" Maru yelled.

Leader, Hidan, and Kakuzu were all wide-eyed in shock at what they just heard. "Umm...I...wow..." Leader stammered. Hidan was on fire with anger and was stabbing himself with his scythe to calm his nerves. Kakuzu was just upset that he didn't plan on recording what they had heard. It would've made a killing!

"Dinner time, Nyachu!" called Karla from downstairs. "I really don't feel like eating now..." Leader groaned.

At dinner, Hidan kept glaring at Tobi who didn't notice in the least. "Is Maru-kohai still sore in places?"

"Nope. I'm all better!" she giggled, picking at her bowl of rice.

"This beef is rather tough..." Itachi commented.

"That's because you're eating a dishrag, Itachi-san..." Kisame sighed.

"Ohh...it needs salt..."

"Hidan-sama, can you-" Tobi began before Hidan shot him a death glare. This time Tobi saw it.

"Shut-up!! Shut the fuck up!! Just shut your fucking face!!!" he yelled, fire roaring behind him. Everyone sweat-dropped at the sudden outburst.

"T-Tobi just w-wanted Hidan-sama to p-pass the s-s-soy sauce!" Tobi stammered nervously, sinking down in his seat.

"Did something happen, un?" Deidara asked.

"It's most likely something stupid, I'm sure..." Sasori sighed as he took a sip of sake.

"Y-You swirly bastard! You...you...fucked Maru!!!" Hidan shouted, pointing at Tobi. Maru spat out the tea she was drinking and began coughing from some getting trapped in her throat. Kakuzu merely turned a page in newspaper he was reading. A large question mark appeared over Tobi's head. And Sasori had the same reaction as Maru, yet spat in Deidara's face.

"Gaah, un!! My eyes, un!!!"

"Your eyes?! MY EYES!! I just got a mental image!!" Zetsu screamed. "I kinda like it~!" his dark half snickered. "Trust me, you don't..." the light half said.

"This is a joke, right?" Kisame snickered. Itachi had his head down against the table, obviously laughing to himself.

"What does fucked mean?" Tobi asked innocently. Karla had been laughing her head off since Hidan's outburst and didn't have much input at the moment.

"Yep, it's a joke"

"Don't fucking play dumb!! Me, Leader and Kakuzu heard every fucking thing! LITERALLY! We hid microphones in your damn room!"

"WHAAAAAAAT?!!!" the writer angrily inquired, glaring daggers at Hidan. "I expect that from Kakuzu, but not YOU!! ...and Leader too?!!"

"I didn't do it!!" Leader called from his room.

"Tobi was only massaging Maru-kohai's shoulders! Is Tobi still a good boy?!" the masked nin sniffled, so confused at the moment. One would guess he was used to that by now.

"I'm gonna kill you! And then you'll be dead because I killed you!!" Maru screamed, lunging at Hidan. The back of her cloak was grabbed by Kisame and he held her fast without too much effort.

"You can let her go. He can't be killed" Kakuzu said, still eating his dinner calmly as if nothing was going on.

"I swear...I'm gonna cut your damn head off and shove it right up your ass!! Then I'll remove it and shove it right back up again, but harder so it'll come up your throat!! And once you vomit it up, I'll shove it back down your throat so hard, it'll come back out the other end!" Maru's evil side thought. Zetsu, being the only one who could hear that side of her, shivered at the very thought of imagining her method of torture.

"Maru, sweetie. It wasn't my idea! Blame Kakuzu!" the demented priest lied. "Nope, it was your idea" his partner said.

"Thanks for backing me up..." he said, glaring at him.

"Do not call me sweetie you sick pervert! I...I...HATE you!!" the pigtailed girl hissed.

"You didn't hate him before?" Sasori asked.

"That was a different kind of hate! This is full blown, pure un-adult rated, PG-13 hate! It'll take a looong time for me to forgive him!"

"Sorry..." Hidan said with a shrug of his shoulders. Maru almost instantly calmed down and smiled.

"Really?! Okay! You're forgiven!!"

Everyone fell over.

"You idiot..." the voice in her head sighed.

_ Three days...three days...three days..._

Once again those words rang in Maru's head. She and Tobi had said their goodnights an hour ago, but she was still awake and Tobi's gentle snoring for once didn't put her to sleep. She couldn't deicide. Deep down she loved the Akatsuki team, but she also loved her father and wanted to be with him again. (Not in that way! Jeez, pervs...)

"Only two days left..." she sighed, nuzzling her head into her pillow and shutting her eyes. "Ah...Ahh...AHH-CHOO!!" she sneezed. Tobi leaped out of bed in pure shock, his unmasked face hidden in the darkness.

"Is Maru-kohai alright?!" he asked, reaching under his pillow for his mask and putting it on.

"Oh damn it, being out in the rain finally got to me..."

To be continued...

* * *

Notes:

Maru's second and last jutsu is revealed

Hidan's head comes off!

Fanservice scene!

Leader sends Tobi and Maru on another mission

Another fanservice scene!!

Microphones are set in Tobi's room

Innuendos are spoken

Hidan explodes at Tobi!

Zetsu gets bad mental images!

Itachi eats a dishrag

Too much more to list~!


	13. Akatsuki Daze: Quiz and Pop no Jutsu!

**Akatsuki Daze – Quiz and Pop no Jutsu!**

"Hello everyone!! And welcome to the first ever Akatsuki game show: Quiz and Pop!" Leader greeted into a microphone.

"Yaaaaay!!!" Tobi cheered from the audience. In fact, he was the ONLY one in the audience.

"Our contestants today are Deidara and Sasori. The winners of today's contest shall receive...umm...Kakuzu, what was the prize again?"

"I was supposed to get a prize?" Kakuzu asked off screen. Leader smacked his forehead and sighed. "Hmm...Well, the prize shall be...you get to beat up Tobi"

"Yaaaay!" Tobi cheered again.

"Tobi, that's a BAD thing!!" Maru yelled.

"Un-Yaaaay!!"

Deidara and Sasori stood behind podiums with their names on it and Leader began to explain the rules. "I shall ask you both questions and if you think you know it, you must press the buzzer before telling me. However! If you get it wrong, you shall have a thousand volts of electricity surged throughout your body!"

"...Pardon?" Sasori asked skeptically.

"I didn't agree to that, un!!" Deidara shouted, banging his fist on his stand.

"You did by signing the waver. It was in the fine print" Leader said.

"Who even reads what they sign anymore, un?!"

"Apparently not you. Now let the game begin!" he said. Upon saying that, Deidara and Sasori's feet were shackled down to the floor to keep them from running. "I don't think I'll like this..." the red head groaned.

"First question! How many legs does a-"

_buzzzz!_

"I know!! I know!!" Deidara shouted.

"Umm...go ahead" Leader said.

"Seventeen!!"

**ZAP!!**

"Aaaaahhh!! UN!!!" the blonde screamed.

"Next time let me finish the question!! Alright. In Japanese, the word for dog is Inu, what is the word for cat?"

Sasori slammed his hand down on the buzzer at the same time as Deidara. "Deidara, what is it?"

He smiled proudly and spoke up. "Pussy, un!!"

**ZAAAAP!!!**

"YEEEOW!!! Itaaaii, un..."

"Hahahaha!! You moron!!" Hidan laughed in the background.

"Sasori...please tell me you know" Leader sighed. "Neko" he said simply.

_Ding~!_

"Correct! Sasori is first to score a point! Our next question: How many joints are in the human body?"

Sasori's hand slammed on the buzzer again. "Is it a child or an adult?" he asked.

"An adult"

"Oh. Then the number of joints is three hundred and sixty"

_ Ding~ _

"Two in a row! Very impressive"

"How come he gets the easy ones, un?" Deidara growled.

"The questions are open for both of you answer..."

"...Oh..."

"Yay sempai!!" Tobi shouted happily.

"I'm losing, you idiot, un!!"

"What is so delicate that sound can break it?" Leader said, reading another question.

"That has no logical answer!!" Sasori shouted, pressing the buzzer.

** ZAAAAP!**

"...Ouch"

"I know!! I really really know, un! It's silence, un!"

_Ding~_

"...He got it right!" Leader gasped.

"Boooo!!" Tobi said from the audience.

"I got it right, you dumbass!" Deidara shouted irritably.

Leader read another question. "A compound in dynamite is called TNT. What does TNT stand for?"

Deidara pressed his buzzer about fifteen times as he screamed his answer. "TNT is short for trinitrotoluene, un!! It's also known as 2-4-6-Trinitrotoluene, Trilite, Tolite, Trinol, Trotyl, Tritolo, Tritolol, Triton, Tritone, Trotol, Trinitrotoluol, or even 2-4-6-Trinitromethylbenzene, un!!" he exclaimed frantically before panting heavily.

_ ding ding ding ding ding ding~!!!!_

"...Show off" Sasori huffed as Deidara laughed proudly as if he'd done some kind of miracle. "You both are tied. And we're on the final question!"

"Wish me luck, Sasori no danna~" Deidara giggled. The puppet master scoffed in response.

"What type of plant is Zetsu?"

Deidara and Sasori both drew a blank at that one. "Umm..." the blonde said.

"I know this one! I just can't remember! I'm under pressure!!" Sasori growled mentally.

"Oh for the love of..." Zetsu's light side sighed from off screen.

"You must be kidding! COME ON!!!" the dark half roared.

"Really, I thought this was too easy" Leader said, shaking his head, disappointed in the two members. Deidara pressed the buzzer and took a guess. "Palm tree, un!!"

**ZAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!**

"Idiot!!" the offended cannibal yelled.

Deidara fell over, twitching all over and foaming at the mouth and also from the ones on his hands. "He's having an electrical-induced seizer..." Sasori pointed out.

"Can he die from it?" Leader gasped.

"No, he just soiled himself"

"Yay!!" Tobi once again squealed.

"Tobi, for the love of Jashin, shut the fuck up!!!"

"...And he will be out for a few hours" Sasori continued, before a thought crossed his mind. "...Can I have my break after the show and take him into my room for...treatment?"

"Sure, whatever. Do you have a final guess on the question?"

"Oh, sure. Deidara said what I first thought, so I'll guess...Venus fly trap?"

_Ding~_

"Finally!!" Zetsu groaned.

"Congratulations Sasori, you won! Your prize is to beat up Tobi!"

"I'm fine with the second prize" Sasori said, walking off with Deidara in his arms. Leader sweat-dropped and spoke again.

"Thank origami that's over!! I never wanna host a game show ever again!" he said, tossing the microphone aside.

"Can Tobi do it next time?!!"

"If there even IS a next time..." the shadow covered villain sighed.

"Can I turn the camera off now?" Kisame asked.

"...You recorded the whole thing?!!" Leader gasped in shock.

"I wasn't supposed to?"

"Who told you to?!"

"Itachi-san. He told me you wanted me to film it. It's also streaming onto YouTube as we speak"

"ITACHI!!!"

"Heh heh~" the Uchiha chuckled.

**Akatsuki Daze game show: Quiz and Pop – End. **


	14. Remedy no Jutsu!

**Akatsuki Daze – Chapter 10 – Remedy no Jutsu!**

"AH-CHOO!!"

That was the thirtieth sneeze heard in the hideout that day. It was all from just Maru who got sick from the bad weather.

"My fucking head is killing me from that annoying sound!!" Hidan growled from his room.

"Keep it down!! My head is gonna split if you keep yelling!" Maru shouted.

"Well pardon me, missy!!!"

"Shut up!!"

"Both of you shut up!! I'm on the phone!!!" Leader yelled. Maru sneezed again and Hidan shouted a string of obscenities in response.

"Is everything alright?" a female voice over the phone.

"Sort of, but don't worry about us! Just hurry and finish that mission. My bed is starting to miss you~"

"I'll try to finish soon, sir" Konan said with a soft giggle.

"Alright. You're the breast...NO, BEST!! I meant BEST!!" Leader gasped before hanging up quickly. Down the hall, Kisame and Itachi had been silently listening in on the phone call thanks to all the hideout's phones being connected on one line and were finally free to laugh.

"Maru-kohai is pale!! Like a zombie!!" Tobi screamed.

"I haven't been out in the sun due to the rainy weather, and I also get pale when I'm sick, just like everyone else, sempai!"

There was then a knock at the door and Tobi answered it and was immediately pushed out of the way by Sasori. "Oh, sorry. I thought Maru was going to answer the door" he said simply.

"Sasori-san! Did you come to torment me again?" Maru sighed.

"Leader is sick of your sneezing, so I made this medicine for you" he said, handing her a beaker of orange fluid.

"Really? That's nice of you!" she giggled, taking it from him. The puppet master smirked and left.

"Sucker" he thought, shutting the door behind him. As soon as the door closed, Maru handed Tobi the beaker.

"Sempai, drink this!" she said.

"Okay!!" he agreed foolishly, taking the beaker from his kohai. He lifted his mask a bit to drink down the fluid while Maru watched, waiting for him to pass out at any given moment.

Once finished, Tobi seemed perfectly normal. "Hmm...then maybe Sasori really was trying to help me"

Tobi then began shivering all over his body and whimpered like a scared puppy out in the rain. "Sempai? Are you alright?" Maru asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Aaaaahh!! Nooo!! Maru-kohai, don't touch Tobi!! Tobi feels funny!! Oooooh~!!" he cried, falling to the floor and twitching violently.

"I knew it! Sasori did this!" the writer growled, putting on her cloak and grabbing Tobi by his collar and dragging him off.

"Ooohh!! The floor~! S-Stop it Maru-kohai!!" he squealed as he was dragged along the hallway.

"Oh dannaaaa~!" Deidara cried.

"Shh, just be quiet and take it" Sasori shushed, thrusting against the groaning blonde again.

"Y-Yes, un" Deidara panted, biting his lower lip and trying to quiet down but still letting out moans and the occasional squeal. Then loud banging came at the door and both figures gasped, the moment completely broken.

"Just a second!" Sasori called, simply reclosing his cloak while Deidara hurried to get completely redressed. Once done, he sat on Sasori's bed and looked completely innocent. Sasori opened the door and his eyes narrowed in pure annoyance. "Something wrong?" he asked.

"I think something was wrong with that drink" Maru said, pointing to Tobi on the floor.

"...He drank it?! That was not supposed to happen!"

"Will it kill him?!" she gasped, her voice mixed with both anger and joy.

"It was meant for you...it was going to give you excruciating stomach pain. But if a male drinks it...it turns into a powerful aphrodisiac"

"...What did you say?!"

"T-Tobi's pants seem to be shrinking!! Tobi feels warm! Someone help Tobiiii!!" the masked victim wailed.

"Please tell me there's a cure!!" Maru shouted.

"Nope. He'll be like that all day or all week...it WAS meant for you after all so I made no antidote" the red head said, smirking some.

"It's official!! I really think he doesn't like me!" she thought before he slammed the door in her face.

"Maru-kohaiiiii! Tobi feels like he has to go to the bathroom!!" Tobi cried, squirming around on the floor, not knowing what was happening to him. Maru sweat-dropped and sighed.

"Tobi, just release yourself. I won't watch"

"Tobi doesn't know what Maru-kohai means!"

"You...really are a good boy!!" she shouted unbelievingly. Down the hall ran Nanako followed by Itachi.

"Nanako! Get back here!" Itachi called. The kitten dashed as fast her little legs could carry her; whatever Itachi was planning to do with her must've been to her disliking.

"Gather you bastards! I'm calling a meeting!!" Leader's voice called down another hallway. Itachi dove at Nanako and scooped her into his arms.

"We can't let Leader see her!" Maru gasped. Yanking Tobi to his feet, Itachi put Nanako down Tobi's pants like he had done before.

Tobi squealed loudly and fell back onto the floor and laughed loudly in a mix of pleasure and well...pleasure.

Maru and Itachi dragged the laughing moron to the living room and sat him on the couch. Maru sat beside him and Itachi went to stand near Kisame. "Any reason Tobi seems a bit more...giddy?" Kakuzu asked.

"I wish not to say anything..." Maru muttered. Tobi had his hands over his mask where for sure his mouth was underneath it. But he still writhed and squirmed around. Nanako was getting scared since she kept being poked by something hard.

Leader finally came into the room and began the meeting as scheduled. Maru nodded off about three minutes in and Tobi would've joined her, but he was in need of...help.

"Tobi, are you alright?" Leader asked, not really caring.

"T-Tobi...aaaahh~! Ooooh!! T-Tobi's p-pants are...shirking and it feels like...Ohhhh!!...Tobi needs to go to the bathroom!!" he squeaked in-between moans. Hidan snickered, having a feeling of what poor Tobi was suffering through. Sasori watched Tobi and smirked in sadistic glee.

"C-Can Tobi go to the bathroom?!"

"No! Not until this meeting is done! You're gonna have to sit there and possibly explode!" Leader scolded. The mention of the word 'explode', Tobi felt himself get even harder and felt Nanako rubbing against him even more. Leader's eyes glanced over his clipboard before he went back to informing.

"Be informed that Konan is returning from her mission and shall be back within a day or two. Any questions?"

Not a single hand was raised.

"Good. That is all for the meeting" Leader said with a nod of his head. A second later, Tobi let out a loud scream and slumped in his seat, seeming relaxed at last. "Tobi, you can go to the bathroom now" he said before going back to his chambers. Tobi didn't move and was just panting in relief.

Itachi waited until the other Akatsuki members left and went to Tobi and got Nanako out of his pants. The poor kitten was moist and sticky and seemed to be glaring at Itachi for putting her in such a horrible place. "Ready to take the bath you were trying to avoid earlier?" Itachi asked. Nanako seemed to have nodded as she mewled shamefully.

"Tobi feels soooo much better!!" Tobi sighed happily.

"Go take a shower..." Maru strongly advised.

Later...

"Not to be ungrateful or anything, but...WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE EATING?!" Hidan asked, stabbing at a piece of fried bologna that was next to a large cube of tofu on his plate. Everyone at the table had the same odd meal in front of them. There wasn't even any rice and the tofu was flavorless.

"I was gonna ask the same thing, un..."

"Did we upset you in some way?" Zetsu's light half asked.

Karla poked her fingers together and spoke. "No way. It just that there was nothing else I could cook. We need to go to the store again, nyachuuuu..."

"Again?!! We were just there two weeks ago!" Kakuzu fumed.

"Food vanishes faster when there are a lot of people living in the same place, Kakuzu" Leader reminded him.

"S-So plain..." Maru whined, picking her chopsticks at the tofu. "Tonight's dish is so plain..."

"This coming from someone who ate only rice and pickled vegetables in the Looney-Bin" Sasori remarked.

"Aahh! Don't remind me!!" she cried. "The food there sucked!" her inner self commented. "It sucked like a Uke!!" Maru added. If they weren't already have a hard time eating their dinner, Maru's comment made it even harder for the Akatsuki members to eat.

"What's an Uke?" Tobi asked, tilting his head to one side. Deidara blushed some at the question, Kakuzu smirked from behind his mask as he leered at Hidan, and Itachi and Kisame looked at each other for a moment and quickly looked away.

"Um, an Uke is a bad word!" Karla said quickly. "Noo! Tobi is sorry for saying it! Is Tobi still a good boy?!" he sniffled.

"Yes, Tobi. And Uke is a word that I better not hear during work hours again!!" Leader growled, glaring sparks at the pigtailed annoyance. Maru sweat-dropped and giggled nervously.

"I've always thought of something. There are many types of meat and they seem to be in different classes" Kisame pointed out.

"You mean like human meat?" Zetsu's dark half asked. Tobi scooted his chair away from Zetsu upon hearing that comment.

"No, like steak and mincemeat type of meat, un!!" Deidara shouted.

"Oh..." Zetsu said, sounding a little disappointed.

"If we put all the different types meat into a family, steak would be the fancy tuxedo wearing business man" Kakuzu said.

"And bologna would be the retarded second cousin" Hidan snickered.

"Oh yeah! That's kinda true!" Kisame chuckled.

"If you're eating steak, something special is happening. If you're eating bologna...you just might be special" Itachi said.

"Hey!! Tobi likes bologna!!" Tobi cried.

"Point proven!" his kohai laughed.

"How did the subject shift from going to the store to bologna being special?!" Leader asked, unbelievingly.

"Fine...we'll go grocery shopping AGAIN once it gets dark..." Kakuzu mumbled.

"Um, can I stay here?" Maru asked, raising her hand.

"Fine by me" the money hoarder responded.

"This means you won't be getting any dried shark-fins" Kisame stated, glaring at Maru, who in turn slumped down in her seat.

"When they all leave, we'll make our way to Orochimaru's lair" the voice in her head instructed. Maru nodded meekly.

"Hmmm..." Zetsu thought, overhearing her private thoughts.

Nightfall rolled in not too soon after dinner and everyone left to go to the supermarket. "Are you sure you don't wanna come, nyaaa?" Karla squeaked, tugging on Maru's sleeve.

"Nah, I'll go next time!" she told her, petting her head affectionately.

"I'll go next time as well. Maru and I will watch over the hideout" Zetsu said from behind her.

"Aw DAMN IT!!" inner Maru cursed. Karla nodded, knowing Maru was safe now and took off after the others, shutting the front door behind her.

"We all alone" Zetsu's light half said.

"So?"

"**So you can tell me what you know of Orochimaru**" the dark half stated. Maru's pigtails stood on end for a second out of pure shock.

"Nothing! Nothing at all!" she lied, shivering nervously all over.

"I heard your inner self. You can tell me, Maru-chan"

Maru sighed deeply and spoke after a second of thinking. "I have to go to Orochimaru and tell him if I'm staying here in the Akatsuki or going back to doing missions for him"

"**What for? You used to work for him?**"

"He's my...father"

"Seriously, why?"

"I'm his daughter"

"**Stop it. It's not funny!**"

"I'm not joking with you!! I'm his daughter and he is my father. We're related! By blood!!"

"You look nothing like him!" Zetsu said, not at all believing her, his eyes shut in disbelief. He then felt something soft and slimy trail along one of his plant parturitions growing from his neck. He glanced at Maru and was nearly horrified. The sliminess was her tongue! It was long like a snake's and was no mistake a trait of Orochimaru's.

"Believe me now?" her inner self asked, retracting her tongue back into her mouth and to normal.

"Yeah..." both halves said in unison. He felt horrified and disturbed beyond all reason. His dark side wanted to make a shrewd comment, but the light side managed to keep it from being said. Besides, who were they to judge? Compared to the fact of being a half human half plant cannibal, a long tongue was as normal as leaves on a tree. Plus, Zetsu had been out-casted all of his life due to his appearance and didn't want someone, nonetheless a fellow Akatsuki member, to feel the scorn he had always felt.

"G-Gomen nasai, but I didn't know any other way I could prove it to you, Zetsu-san" Maru said softly. He rested his pale hand on her shoulder understandingly.

"**I won't stop you from going to Orochimaru.** But I hope you make the right choice"

Looking into his yellow expressionless eyes, she nodded and smiled slightly. She went upstairs to her and Tobi's room and stood in the doorway for a long minute. She'd only been there a few weeks and already had memories returning to her head.

Going to the drawer, she rummaged around the shirts Tobi had given her for pajama purposes and finally pulled out what she had hidden. A Sound Village headband. Tying it around her neck loosely, Maru took a long breath and stormed out of the room and back downstairs. Zetsu had retired to his room and wasn't there for a final goodbye.

"Let's do this!" her inner voice half-roared. "Let's not keep father waiting" Maru said in response, as she opened the front door and shut it behind her as she left. From the window in his room, Zetsu watched her walk off into the darkness of the night.

To be continued...

* * *

NOTES:

Konan is introduced!

Itachi and Kisame listen in on Leader's conversation

Sasori gives Maru a "cure"

Maru gives the cure to Tobi

Tobi gets hopped up on an aphrodisiac!!

Nanako is placed in Tobi's pants during another meeting

Tobi gets relieved!

The Akatsuki is nearly out of food

Maru stays behind from going to the store

Zetsu confronts her about Orochimaru


	15. Akatsuki Daze: Comment Special 4

**Akatsuki Daze – The 4th Comment Special **(All comments come from those on deviantART, not fanfiction**DOT**net)

"Hello! Tobi welcomes you all for another episode of the Akatsuki Daze Comment Special!" Tobi greeted, waving his arms frantically.

"We shall be reading the comments and fan-mail you send us and responding to them. You fuel this potential fire and we can never do it without you, so thank you!" Maru said with a smile.

"The first comment is from PuppyLover! Oooh! Tobi loves puppies~!"

** Omg XD Itachi ate a freakin dish rag lol! I love when Hidans like "sorry" and Marus like "Oh really?! you're forgiven" XDD I never have heard of anybody being able to forgive someone that fast**

"It was a good dishrag..." Itachi said in the background.

"Sooo forgiving~!" Hidan purred, suddenly behind Maru and grabbing her breasts.

"Grrrr!!!!" she growled, a stress vein appeared on her head. "Get off me!!" the writer yelled, throwing Hidan into the direction of the camera.

"Oh shi-" he was able to say before the camera was impacted and went into static.

"Oooohhh!! Look what you did, Nyaaachu!" Karla's voice squealed.

"Blame the Jashinist for fondling me AGAIN!!"

"Maru!!! That camera was expensive!!" Kakuzu screamed.

"Technically, Hidan broke it, not me" she said smartly.

"Please throw me again"

"Hell no!!"

"Our voices are still streaming live onto YouTube, so it's not completely broken" Kisame assured.

"YouTube again?!!" Leader hissed. Kisame chuckled nervously as Itachi made sure he was nowhere in Leader's reach.

The static fizzled a bit before everything was visible again. "You're welcome" Sasori said without thanks.

"Thank you Sasori-san for fixing the camera! Now our next comment is from...oh dear, not her again...DieingCity...your name is grammatically incorrect!!" Maru huffed.

** i don't think i like Kakuzu - he needs to be horse wiped heehee hmmm funny thought that is.**

**this time Maru- i am on your side- i think we should go on a death rade and see to some justice.**

**ahh now i say what i like-**

**itachi eating a dish cloth- my favorite scene, its rather cute.**

**i like how tobi is all frightened when Hidan yells at him.  
I always like Karla -she's a cutey  
Sasori the way he drinks his sake makes me think he is drinking tea heehee- i can't help liking Sasori **

"Ah, now you're talkin'!! I'd really love to get my revenge!" she said excitedly.

"T-Tobi didn't like being yelled at..." Tobi sniffled.

"Ah suck it up, you fucking baby!!" Hidan yelled. This only made Tobi start crying.

"For the love of Jashin! I'll read the next fucking comment then!! This one is from Secretsheik"

** Fannnnn serviiiiiice! I'm gonna draw Maru in a bunny costume for ya k?**

**I have a suggestion! Give Konan some screen time!**

"...I recognize that name! She's been the sender of all those sexy pictures of me and Maru for that fucking contest!" Hidan said, nearly drooling.

"SHE'S the one?! She's lucky I don't know where she is!" Maru roared.

"As for Konan, she'll be making an appearance in the next chapter" Leader assured with a nod of his head.

"Is that who you're always on the phone with, un?" Deidara asked slyly.

"Umm...well...NEXT COMMENT!!" Leader exclaimed.

"Tobi will read it this time!! This one is from a new commenter named Cristinik!"

** Okay i hate Kakuzu 4 what he did DX, Itachi is so sweet here ^_^ and loved that part when sasori spat in deidaras face XD ROFL . keep it up**

"Don't hate me for who I am!!" Kakuzu shouted from off screen.

"A money hoarder?" Maru asked.

"Exactly!"

"So...if I were to poison you and you had the choice between the antidote and all the money in my pocket...which would you take?"

"How much money is in your pocket normally?"

"About...a thousand yen"

"I'd take the money, then buy the antidote from you, then retake the money"

"...Damn you're good"

"We've reached the end of the comments and we'll now read some fan-mail, Nyachuuu!" Karla chirped, taking out the box full of anonymous comments.

"Can I read one?" Zetsu's light half asked. Karla nodded and handed the cannibal a note.

**Someone wrote a hentai than ended with Zetsu having sex with Maru. I wanna know if you all know about this story**

The sound of silence pierced the room for a long three minutes.

"What..." Maru finally squeaked, in pure shock.

"The..." Leader added.

"FUCK?!!!" Hidan roared.

Zetsu's white half turned completely red from extreme blushing and he closed his plant encasing over his head. "Must find...happy place" he murmured.

"What's hentai?" Tobi asked sweetly.

"You don't want to know..." Itachi said, shivering all over.

"It's that stuff Leader hides on his computer, un" Deidara mentioned. Kisame, needing the internet more often now for live YouTube streaming, nodded in agreement from what he'd seen on Leader's history files.

"H-How'd you-?! When did-?! ...You can't prove it!" the shadow hidden Leader gasped.

"Nothing we say after that will be normal...shall we stop this episode now?" Sasori asked, wanting to vomit.

"Yes please..." Zetsu said from inside his encasing. Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Thank you for the comments! See you next time!! Bye-bee!" Tobi giggled, the only one not effected by the hentai comment.

Sasori turned the camera off and all went into static.

To be continued...


	16. Decision no Jutsu!

**Akatsuki Daze – Chapter 11 – Decision no Jutsu!**

Not being very apt for jumping along tree limbs like other ninja would normally do, Maru found herself running along the unknown trail to Orochimaru's lair. "Why are you running? You never run somewhere" her inner self stated. "I want to get this done as soon as possible. The less time it takes to get there, the better!" she said, getting the most out of her strong legs.

"Her three days are up in a few minutes. I really don't want to have to go after her myself," Orochimaru sighed, wincing a bit.

"Just why do you want her back? Isn't she legally an adult?" Kabuto asked.

"You try holding onto something for years and just letting it go."

A loud banging sound came from the dark entrance of the lair before Maru stepped in, panting harshly. "I...hate running," she huffed.

"You're late by a minute, dear Maru."

"Shut the hell up. I'm here aren't I?!" her inner self shouted. Maru was immediately grateful Orochimaru couldn't hear that.

"Uh...there was a flood!" she lied.

"None of your ridiculous excuses. Tell me your answer. Are you going to stay here and help me train Sasuke, or go back to the Akatsuki?"

"Did you call me, Orochimaru?" Sasuke asked from a doorway. Maru blushed rampantly and held in a snicker. He was wearing a black and white maid's uniform and the skirt was cut terribly short and protruding from his head were a pair of fake, black cat ears.

"I was talking to Maru, Sasuke-chan! Go back to my room!"

Maru couldn't hold it in and began to laugh loudly. "Oh my God!! He's too kawaii! And he looks like Itachi! Who the hell made him wear that thing?!!" she cried between bursts of laughter. Sasuke growled, a blush of embarrassment on his face.

"Like it? It's something I made spur of the moment for him to train in," Orochimaru said, looking over at the young Uchiha and winking at him. He merely gagged with disgust.

"Gaaaaaay~!" inner Maru said in a sing-songy voice.

"State your answer" Kabuto said, breaking the lighthearted conversation.

"Keep your shirt on, four eyes..." Maru hissed, upset he brought the fact back up.

"Well? What's your answer?" Orochimaru asked, hands at his sides, tensing every few seconds. The insane writer took a breath and said her answer through clenched teeth. "I'm staying with the Akatsuki..."

"Foolish. You're a new member and I know for a fact you aren't getting the respect you deserve."

"I am respected enough to not be killed or kicked out!"

"Kicked out? With your Jutsu? Don't tell you've forgotten the Summoning Jutsu you were taught over and over."

Maru hesitated some. "Umm..."

Orochimaru put a hand to his forehead and sighed. "You're a headache. To think how long I spent teaching you, and you forget it! Kabuto!"

Kabuto wasted no time and darted at Maru quickly, kunai in hand. The sound of metal clashing against metal was heard. The kunai Kabuto held was stopped a few inches from Maru's neck with another kunai held shakily in her grasp.

"Just where the hell were you hiding that?!" the medical ninja asked skeptically, turning on his heel and kicking her feet out from under her.

"I don't want to fight him!" she thought, rolling from her fall and grasping the weapon for dear life. Her neck was then grabbed from behind. What had gotten her was wet and slimly. "The bastard's tongue!" inner Maru hissed, her body falling to its knees. Before she lost too much air, her hands formed a hand sign.

"Don't make this difficult, dear Maru. You want to stay in the Akatsuki and I'm very disappointed. You know things about me and this village that shouldn't be let out" Orochimaru said, his tongue firmly wrapped around her neck.

"I w-won't tell..." she struggled to say as the constriction became tighter with the passing seconds. Her vision was getting blurred and darker.

"You expect me to believe that? How stupid do you honestly think I am? I am one of the Sannin!" he said, releasing her neck and retracting the freakishly long tongue back into his throat. Maru fell onto the ground, gasping desperately for air. "I cannot believe that my own offspring could be so pathetic," the snake featured figure said, stepping over to the panting woman and grabbing her up by one of her pigtails. "One more time. Do you wish you stay with me or return to the Akatsuki? Choose carefully."

Maru grinned slightly and turned her head to glare at her father. "I choose the Akatsuki!"

A long sword came from Orochimaru's throat and he grinned down at her. "Wrong answer!!" he shouted, jabbing the sword down through her chest. The girl smirked and vanished in a puff of smoke. Orochimaru gasped.

"A shadow clone..." Kabuto thought.

"Surprise!!" Maru shouted, appearing behind Orochimaru and preparing to stab him with another kunai. She then screamed in sickening pain as a horrid and indescribable feeling exploded through her body. Dropping the kunai, her frame fell to the floor, writhing weakly as the muscles in her body tightened and seemed to tear apart at the slightest movement.

"Thank you, Kabuto...a second later and she may have gotten me," Orochimaru said, not even bothering to turn his head to see his loyal partner behind him, his hand still fused with the Medical Ninjutsu that was used to sever Maru's insides.

"D-Damn it...it hurts!! Everything fucking hurts!!!" she screamed mentally trying to keep still, but her body trembled with pain.

"Bring her to my chambers, Kabuto. I want to have a talk with her."

Back at the Akatsuki hideout...

"We're back!! And we bought stuff, nyachuuu!" Karla squeaked, bursting into the hideout holding a few grocery bags.

"Hello" Zetsu said half heartedly, expecting Maru to be back by now.

"Since Maru is the noob, we'll let her put the groceries away" Leader said, smirking a bit too happily.

"She went for a walk" Zetsu's light half lied.

"In the dark?"

"She had a headache"

"She has a brain?!"

"Leader..." the cannibal sighed. "Give her more credit than that..."

"Tobi has a brain!!" Tobi cheered, coming between the two.

"**Now I know that MUST be a lie!!**" Zetsu's dark half remarked.

"I'll put the stuff away! Tobi can help me" Karla said sweetly.

"Itachi, why did you get cat food?" Leader asked, looking into one of the bags.

"...Um! I don't know! I'm half blind!! ...Stop pumping me!!" the Uchiha shouted. Kisame snickered some before Itachi elbowed him. Leader sweat-dropped and shrugged. Still worried, Zetsu made his way to the door.

"I'm going to go find her. She might be lost" he said, slamming the door behind him.

"Maru-kohai is lost?! Shouldn't Tobi be the one to go find her?" Tobi asked frantically.

"Then YOU would get lost as well, un!!" Deidara shouted.

"Tobi knows his directions!"

"Then which way is East, un?" the self-proclaimed artist asked. Tobi pointed upwards.

"That proves it..." Sasori sighed as he held Deidara back from strangling Tobi out of frustration.

"Uggnhh..." Maru groaned, slowly coming back into consciousness. Her body was still in pain, but not as bad as a few hours ago. Looking around, she saw she was in Orochimaru's experiment chamber. Spying an Akatsuki ring on one of the severed hands, she considered that to be more than enough incentive to take it and run. Unfortunately, her wrists had been tied behind her back to ensure she couldn't escape using jutsu. "Damn it!!" she swore, looking around the barely lit room for some hope of escape.

"Wait...during that fight...I only used two of my kunai! I think I can get out!" she thought. "H-hurry..." her inner side panted weakly. Maru gasped, her inner self had been the one who took most of the damage from Orochimaru. If she were to be knocked out now, her other form wouldn't last long. Opening her mouth, her long tongue slithered out and down into her bra. A second later, she had her tongue wrapped around her third kunai. Reaching behind her, the kunai was used to cut at the ropes that held her wrists.

"What else are you hiding in there?" a voice asked from the shadows. Maru's tongue dropped the weapon and retreated back to her mouth. Orochimaru approached her and smirked; Maru turned her head and groaned. "You should be thanking me. Kabuto would've killed you if I hadn't gave him the order to bring you here"

"Gee, thanks..." she said sarcastically. "I'd hug you, but I'm little bit tied up at the second"

"If that's your attitude, I'll leave you in here for a few days..._alone_"

"No!! Don't do that! Just let me out and I promise you'll never see me again. Just...don't leave me alone!" Maru cried, her entire body trembling. Sighing at how pitiful she looked, Orochimaru untied her wrists.

"Do they treat you alright? Must I check you for bruises?"

"I'm not Sasuke, father"

"I'm serious. You're my daughter and I just want to make sure you aren't hurt" he told her.

"That's a laugh! You almost killed me earlier"

"That was a test to see if you still had your skills down-pact" Orochimaru assured. Ever trusting, Maru accepted the excuse with a tiny smile. "Did I pass?"

"Look where you are. Of course you didn't!" he scolded.

"Does this mean...you're not going to let me go back the Akatsuki?" she whined.

"Are you willing to fight me and Kabuto again just to have the chance of going back?"

"Yes" she answered bluntly. Saying nothing, Orochimaru went over and retrieved the Akatsuki ring he once wore and placed it in Maru's hand.

"I won't stop you" were his only words.

"You're serious?" Maru asked skeptically. He nodded and was immediately rewarded with a hug from the grateful writer.

"Maru...remember that talk about personal space?" Orochimaru asked, looking very annoyed.

"Oh, right!" she answered, letting him go. She placed the ring on her left little finger and smiled. At last, she was a true part of the Akatsuki.

"Maru, is Itachi still in the Akatsuki?" Orochimaru inquired, a grin on his face.

"Yeah, why?" she asked.

"Hmmm, I'm willing to let you come back at your own accord. Only if you have pictures of Itachi with you"

Maru sweat-dropped at the request, but then remember that this WAS Orochimaru she was talking to and he was always quite serious about what he wanted. No matter how creepy it was or sounded. "Sure, I'll try to take pictures of him"

"Good girl! Now you have fun at camp!" the pale villain said, giving her a small push towards the door.

"It's NOT camp, father! It's an evil organization of evil criminals!! Jeez!!!" she yelled, turning on one heel and stomping away.

"It was like camp when I was a member there!" he called after her in a sing-songy voice.

Upon leaving Orochimaru's lair, Maru sighed and looked at the ring on her finger. "Was it really worth all of that? Am I really Akatsuki material?" she wondered before reaching into her bra with her hand this time and taking out her last kunai. Looking down at the headband around her neck, she held the kunai tightly and slashed it across the front of the metal plating. A deep groove cut right through the center, forever sealing her fate as a Missing Nin from the Sound Village.

Deep inside Orochimaru's lair, Kabuto stood near his leader, waiting for his next instructions. "She should be far from here by now. Activate the jutsu" Orochimaru told him. Kabuto nodded and formed a complex hand sign.

A long scream echoed through the trees followed by a thump onto solid ground. Zetsu, who was already trying to keep on Maru's trail, heard the sound and made his way toward it. A few minutes later he found her writhing on the ground in pain and breathing as if she had just ran a full hundred miles.

"What happened?!" his light half asked in a panic before kneeling at her side. Maru couldn't even answer, the pain was making her deaf to anything else.

"**You need to calm down!**" the dark half instructed, placing a hand on her shoulder. This arose a scream from the girl, louder than the first one.

"Straighten out your body!" Zetsu told her, trying to make her stop curling up and straightening her legs and making her arms stay at her sides. Every touch from the plant man made her want to rip her heart out to stop the exploding pain, but once she was laying flat on the ground, the pain began to become a bit weaker.

"Z-Zetsu-san...h-hurts. Everything hurts..." she wheezed, looking up at him. Zetsu kept her laying flat and as still as possible, waiting for her to at least become desensitized enough to be carried back to the hideout.

It did not work, but Maru had blacked out completely several minutes into trying; not even her evil inner self coming out. Taking her into his arms, Zetsu hurried back to the base.

The next day...

Waking from a dreamless sleep, Maru opened her eyes and blinked to clear her vision. She was in a bed and looking up at the ceiling. Glancing to the right, she saw a table with many herbs and other types of medicinal plants on it all splayed out as if something had be made recently and in a hurry.

Looking to the left, she saw Zetsu asleep in a chair. At least he looked asleep. He may have just had his eyes shut, but it was safe to say he was sleeping. "He sat up all night making sure I was alright. Wow..." she thought, moving her leg to get out of bed. Yes as soon as she moved, her leg felt as if it became a victim to Deidara's insane explosion jutsu.

"AAAH!!!! SHIT!! MOTHER FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!! DAMN IT!!"

"Hidan, shut the hell up!!" Leader yelled from downstairs.

"That wasn't me!" Hidan shouted in protest. Maru was screaming her head off as she writhing around in Zetsu's bed, trying to hold onto her leg, but when she moved another body part, the pain escalated. Zetsu woke up immediately and held her down until she calmed down once more.

"** Don't move!**"

"Wait here a second" the light side said. The cannibal went over to the herb table and ground up some type of root into a powder and added it to a glass filled with water. Going to Maru, he sat her up and held the glass to her lips. She painfully drank it down, it even hurt to swallow. A few minutes later, Zetsu's light half smiled and he spoke again. "Try moving now"

Maru was nervous about being in pain all over again, so she simply moved her arm this time. It hurt, but only mildly. "That's amazing!! How'd you do that?!" she gasped, looking at Zetsu in awe.

"There are many pain suppressers the herbs I use. This one doesn't have an aftereffect, but it works only a few hours" he said.

"…Sugoi~" the writer chimed softly. Right off the bat, Maru was alright with this normally quiet person. He was a gentleman, well at least half of him. She woke up in the same clothes she had passed out in and not one thing on her person was out of place. She was taking out of her trance of thinking when Zetsu's dark hand tapped against the headband around her neck.

"**You're a Missing Nin now**"

"You made your official decision"

Maru blushed some and looked at him. "You told me to make the right choice. I'm sure I did"

"I didn't want to work for that creepy perv anymore anyway!" Maru's inner self scoffed.

"At least Leader-sama isn't a pervert" the mellow light side assured.

"** He does watch porn, but now he won't since Konan is back from her mission**"

"Konan? Who is that?" Maru asked.

"Another member of the Akatsuki. She's into paper" Zetsu said.

"...and Leader-sama?" inner Maru asked with a snicker.

"**Most likely~**" Zetsu's dark half responded with a smirk. Both light Zetsu and Maru blushed at their counterpart's conversation.

"Now...about your nerves. Some kind of Medical Ninjustu was used and made your muscles tissue practically paper thin" Zetsu said, clearing his throat.

Maru growled. "Damn that four-eyes Kabuto..."

"As long as you keep taking my special medicine and getting around a bit each day, you'll be fine in a few weeks or less"

"Can I move now?"

"I wouldn't push it. You need to stay in bed at least a day"

"Aw man!! Boooring..." Maru groaned, sighing deeply. Zetsu couldn't help but chuckle a bit as he set a small stack of paper near her.

"You can write a bit while you recover. You proclaimed yourself as a writer when you first came here, right?" he asked, jabbing at her pride a bit. Maru took that as a challenge.

"I'll show you! I'm not just self-proclaimed!" she huffed, reaching into her cloak and taking out her feather pen. Placing the stack of paper in her lap she pressed the pen to the paper...and drew a blank.

"**Well?**"

"I'm thinking of where I left off in my last book! Jeez!!" she hissed.

"**Well pardon me.** I'll go and get you something to eat. **You are hungry, right?**"

Her stomach then growled and confirmed his question. He left his room and shut the door behind him and headed to the kitchen. A few minutes later a knock came at the door. "It's your room Zetsu-san. No need to knock" Maru called. The door opened and a blue haired woman came in and looked at Maru intently. "...you're not Zetsu" the pigtailed girl squeaked.

"So you aren't blind. I'm Konan" the woman said.

"Oh! You're Konan! How was your mission?"

"Tiring. But thank you for asking. I brought you these" Konan said, handing Maru a bundle of paper cranes.

"Get Well Cranes...wow! Thanks! B-but how'd you make them all so fast?!"

"I love origami and it was something I could pass the time with"

"I can do a little bit of origami" Maru said, already trying to fold one of the sheets of paper. Konan watched and pressed a hand to her lips to hold her slight laughter. Maru made a...well, a perfectly crafted crumpled wad of paper. "Um...does this look like a butterfly?" she asked, already knowing the answer. Konan took the paper and began to fold it quickly.

"THIS is a butterfly" she said, holding out the perfectly made paper butterfly.

"Whoa!! That's so cool, I'm almost afraid to touch it"

"Well, I have to return to Leader-sama. I'm glad another woman made it into the Akatsuki. Stay alive" Konan said, placing the cranes and the butterfly on the nightstand and leaving. Maru smiled and looked down at her left hand. The ring was still on her finger and she read the kanji on it. Void.

"Hey, dumbass. I just thought of the plotline for the next book" her inner self said. "Alright! Inspiration has hit!!" Maru cheered, finally beginning to write.

"Zetsu-san! More paper please!" Maru said, halfway through the last sheet if paper she was currently writing on.

"Again?!" the cannibal groaned.

"You cannot put a limit on art!" she shouted.

"Damn right, un!" Deidara yelled from one room over.

"Get back over here, brat~" Sasori's voice said, rather seductively.

To be continued...

* * *

FOREIGN NOTES:

Sugoi - awesome or cool

Get Well Cranes - either 100 or 1,000 cranes made and strung together. Made and given to someone who is sick or injured badly.

* * *

NOTES:

Maru goes to confront Orochimaru

The rest of the Akatsuki go grocery shopping

Zetsu goes to look for Maru

Maru is defeated easily and brought back to the Akatsuki

Konan appears

Maru starts writing her proclaimed novels again


	17. Christmas no Jutsu!

**Author Note: Its Christmas in July, folks~! Laugh and Enjoy!  
**

* * *

Akatsuki Daze – Chapter 12 - Winter special – Christmas no Jutsu

Tobi rushed around the hideout in a panic. An unspeakable phenomenon was happening outside and he just could sit by and let it happen. "Hi Tobi!" Karla greeted, walking down the same hall. Tobi ran past her, making her spin several times before falling over. "Wheeeee~!" she giggled.

"Maru-kohai! Maru-kohai! Something bad is happening!" Tobi screamed, banging on the locked door to his and Maru's room.

"Go away, I'm busy!" she growled.

"But it's important!" he protested. Unlocking the door, Maru opened it and glared at Tobi.

"What is it? Is Hidan running around bleeding all over creation again?"

"Worse! The sky! It's having babies!" the masked nin cried. Maru simply shut the door in his face and locked it again.

"What an idiot! The sky cannot have babies!" Inner Maru shouted. Maru agreed and went back to writing. She needed absolute privacy, thus the reason she had Tobi locked out in the first place.

Tobi then busted through the door, leaving a large hole in it. "Tobi! Kakuzu's gonna blame that on me!" she yelled. Tobi grabbed her by the arm and dragged her downstairs and out the front door.

"Tobi isn't lying! Look!" he said, pushing Maru outside.

It was snowing.

"Tobi...come here" she said, her voice colder than the wind.

"Yes kohai!" Tobi squealed, rushing to her side. Grabbing up a large amount of snow in her hand, Maru shoved it down Tobi's pants. "EEEEEEEEK! COLD! TOBI IS COLD IN PLACES TOBI SHOULDN'T BE!" he screamed, running around in circles, raising a fit of laughter from the writer.

"I'm calling an important meeting! Everyone gather in the living room!" Leader's voice thundered from inside the base. Maru grabbed Tobi by his sleeve and dragged him back inside.

"We aren't gonna be late, sempai!"

"Tobi is still cold! Maru-kohai should be nicer to Tobi!" he whined.

"And once again, you should grow a brain" she responded quickly, making the dragged sempai cross his arms and huff. Once all the Akatsuki were in the living room, Leader began.

"It is that time of the year again. I hope no one forgot!"

"Forgot what, un?" Deidara asked. Leader sighed.

"It's snowing outside! The villages are full of people buying things more than usual! All the signs of-"

"Christmas, nyachuuuu~!" Karla cheered, cutting Leader off.

"Oh no, not Christmas! Do you know how expensive that holiday is?! It's sickening!" Kakuzu groaned.

"I don't care! We're all together in someday ruling the world, so damn it; we're going to celebrate Christmas!" Leader yelled.

"Do we have to give others gifts?" Konan asked.

"Not if you don't want to, but it is highly encouraged!"

"Gifts cost money!" Kakuzu seethed.

"Then you won't be giving gifts this year" Leader stated, not caring in the least.

"Damn right..." he muttered, Hidan suddenly looking worried.

"Oooh! Can Tobi give a gift for someone?!" Tobi squealed, raising his hand frantically.

"Of course, but to whom?" Leader asked.

Tobi only giggled in response. "That's a secret!"

"Suddenly, I'm very worried" Sasori said.

"Now for the next order of business, does anyone know of the strange purring sounds occurring at night?"

Everyone fell silent, especially Itachi.

"Uhhh...maybe it's the wind!" Kisame exclaimed.

"Yeah! Wind!" Karla added.

"Since when does wind purr?" Konan asked suspiciously.

"Ever since it got really happy, un!" Deidara shouted.

"Wind does not have emotions, brat"

"And neither do you, un..."

"What was that?!" the redhead hissed, glaring emotionlessly at his partner, who shrank with terror at the cold gaze.

"N-Nothing danna, un" Deidara squeaked.

"Do I have to be the tree again?" Zetsu asked. "** Please say no...That's the most degrading thing I've ever done while in this organization! **"

"Of course you have to be the tree! It's not Christmas without a tree~!" Leader said with a hint of cheer in his voice for once.

"** God I hate my life... **"

"Aw, I bet you won't look THAT bad, Zetsu-san!" Maru assured, trying to block out her inner self's fit of laughter.

"What would you like for Christmas?" Itachi asked, stroking Nanako's fur as she lay in his lap. The sleeping kitten didn't hear him and let out a purr of comfort.

"There is it again!" Leader shouted from his room, waking up Nanako.

"It's getting risky keeping that thing, Itachi-san" Kisame advised. His jaw dropped when he saw Itachi give Nanako a small dried shark fin from a bag.

"Itachi! Where did you get those?!" the angry demon shark yelled, already having a good guess of who it was.

"From Maru, why?" Itachi said, looking to his partner.

...Or at least where he was standing a second ago.

"I'm gonna lay the hurtin' on her ass!" the Mist nin growled approaching Tobi and Maru's room. Before he could reach for the doorknob, he heard voices.

"Hold it tighter, sempai! I'm trying to sharpen it!" Maru said.

"B-But Tobi is bleeding!" Tobi cried in pain. Smirking some, Kisame opened the door a bit and peered inside. Tobi was holding onto the un-bandaged Samehada while Maru was at work sharpening as many of the sharp tips of the deadly weapon as she could with a piece of sandpaper.

"This is the least I can do for fish-face for putting up with my shark fin hunger" Maru said with a slight laugh. Outside of the room, Kisame groaned; no way could he pummel the insane writer now. "Stupid conscience..." he muttered, going back to Itachi.

"Maru-kohai?" Tobi asked as Maru re-wrapped Samehada carefully.

"Yes?" she asked in a groaning voice.

"Is Maru-kohai going to get someone a Christmas present?" he asked. She was taken back since she thought Tobi was going to ask her a stupid question.

"Hmm...I might. In fact, I had a gift planned for everyone!" she said, smirking.

"Everyone?! Oooh~! Does that mean Tobi gets one too?! Tobi is a good boy!" he squealed jumping up and down.

"Well of course Tobi, you ARE my sempai after all"

Tobi tackled her into a hug, knocking her onto the floor. "Ack! Get off me you idiot!"

"Tobi gets a gift! Tobi is a very good boy! Thank you Maru-kohai~!"

"Jeez, I wonder how you'll react when I actually GIVE you the present..." she sighed. The door flung open and Hidan came in.

"Maru~! I just came to ask what you wanted for...GET THE FUCK OFF HER!" the Jashinist screamed, seeing Tobi and Maru on the floor together.

"B-But Tobi was just thanking Maru-kohai!" Tobi whined as Hidan tried to pry him away from the half suffocating writer.

"For what?! ...did you both fuck around again?!"

"NO! LAST TIME HE WAS JUST RUBBING MY SHOULDERS!" Maru screamed, forcing Hidan back and scaring Tobi half to death.

"Well pardon me for WORRYING!" Hidan yelled at the same volume.

"I don't want YOUR sympathy!"

"Well don't get your fucking panties in a knot!"

"Shut the hell up!"

"NO! You shut the hell up!"

"YOU!"

"FUCK OFF!"

"What does fuck mean?" Tobi interrupted.

"Shut-up Tobi!" Hidan and Maru hissed at the moron.

"NO! Both of you shut-up!" Tobi screamed, glaring at them from behind his mask. The fighting pair were silent at Tobi's sudden outburst.

"...did hell just freeze over?" Maru wondered.

"I...I'm gonna go...sacrifice something!" Hidan stammered, leaving the room quickly, not wanting to see anything else Tobi could possibly do.

"Tobi-sempai? Are you okay?" Maru asked shakily. He turned his head to her quickly, making her jump.

"Can Tobi have his present early?!" he asked in his normal giddy voice. Maru fell over.

"No, you may not. You have to wait until Christmas like everyone else!"

"But Tobi can't wait! Give Tobi a hint! Please?! Please please pleeeeeaaase?"

"Fine. One hint only. The hint is: You'll like it" Maru said, her inner self laughing.

"Nice one~" she commented. "He'll be guessing for days now"

"Oooh~! Tobi likes candy! Is it candy?!" he asked. "Nope!" she said, gathering the many papers she had on the bed. "I have to go ask Leader if I can go into town for something"

"Did Maru-kohai get Tobi a whole town?!"

"No! Now come with me to see Leader, you moron!" she shouted, dragging Tobi down the hall and holding the stack of papers under her other arm.

Later that week...

"Hold still Zetsu-sama!" Karla squeaked as she strung a long cord of lights around Zetsu.

"I'm slowly losing my dignity..." his light half sighed.

"You look very colorful, Nyachu!"

"** I don't want to be colorful! Whose bright idea was it to first start decorating trees?! I'll half murder them and then eat them while they're an inch away from death! **" the dark side roared. Poor Karla's eyes were rimmed with tears as she sniffled from just thinking of how much being killed that way would hurt.

"** Oh, are you gonna cry now? Go ahead, I don't care. Cry! **"

"Waaaaaaaaaahhhhh!" she wailed, nearly breaking the sound barrier.

"**...Please don't cry! Stop it! **"

"Now look what you did! Why must you be so difficult?!"

"** Difficult?! I'm not difficult, I just speak my mind! **"

"In a very rude way"

"** Shut up! **"

Nanako came in from outside and nuzzled against Karla's leg, making her stop crying instantly. "Aw, Nanako-chan!" Karla giggled, petting the kitten.

"Now I can see why she's an Akatsuki member. That was nearly deafening!" Zetsu thought. The tiny kitten stared at Zetsu who had Christmas lights wrapped around him and seemed to snicker at the sight.

"** What are you laughin' at my tasty little midnight snack?!**" Zetsu's dark half hissed. Nanako mewled and jumped into the box holding the rest of the items for the 'Christmas tree'.

"Haha! Zetsu, you look pathetic!" Hidan laughed upon coming into the living room.

"I know..." the light half whined. Nanako climbed out of the box, a large red bow now around her neck. She mewled and tried to scratch it off, but was immediately scooped up into Itachi's arms.

"Nanako-chan! You look too cute~! Who put that bow on you?" he asked. Her only response was curling up into his arms and purring.

"first Zetsu is a fucking Christmas tree and then Itachi turns into a pussy lover...am I the only man left in this organization?!" Hidan shouted.

"No danna! I'm not gonna wear this, un!" Deidara shouted from upstairs.

"Do it or else, brat! I had to PAY Kakuzu to make this!" Sasori scolded.

"Or else what, un?!"

"I won't do that _special thing _for you anymore~" Sasori said, a smirk on his face. Deidara paled enough to make the snow outside jealous.

"F-fine! I'll wear it, un!" the blonde huffed. A minute later, Deidara came into the living room wearing a naughty Christmas outfit normally meant for a woman to wear. To top it off he also had on a Christmas hat with a sprig of mistletoe fixed into it.

Itachi laughed for a second before stopping and looking around to make sure no one heard him. Karla was already on the floor laughing her head off while Zetsu simply closed up the leaves over his head. "Must...find...happy place" he muttered.

"I rest my case!" Hidan exclaimed.

"Kakuzu-chan~! I have a favor to ask!" the demented priest asked in a voice sweet enough to give anyone cavities. "No" was Kakuzu's immediate response.

"Please Kakuzu-chan? With sugar on top?"

"What do you want?"

"You made that suit for Deidara, right?"

"Yes, one for Konan too. It was Leader's order..."

"...I'm gonna try my fucking hardest to forget that. Now then, I was wondering, could you make me one of those suits?" Hidan asked. The money hoarder stared at him for a long time.

"I honestly didn't think you were into cross-play, Hidan"

Hidan glared sparks at his partner. "FUCK NO! I want you to make one of those slutty suits for me to give to Maru! Jeez!"

"Suuuuure, tell me anything~! It's for you, isn't it?"

"I swear to Jashin, Kakuzu...if you say that one more time, I'll slice your fucking head clean off and shove it right up your ass!"

"Alright, I'll make her one. Don't throw a hissy-fit. But it'll cost you"

Hidan groaned, knowing it wouldn't be for free. "How much?"

"Six thousand"

"In Yen?!"

"No, in Monopoly™ money. Of course in Yen!" Kakuzu thundered, never to be one to joke about money.

"But I'm broke!" Hidan whined, pouting adorably.

"This is getting awkward..." Kakuzu thought, wondering who the hell wrote this crap in the first place. (Hey! _)

"Make it free and I'll do that _extra special thing _you like me to do for you~" Hidan said, a sly glimmer in his eyes. Mumbling some, his partner gave in. he always did enjoy that _extra special thing_.

"I really hate you, Hidan..."

"I love you, too!" Hidan cheered.

"Aaah~! The cold air feels good!" Zetsu's light half said, stepping outside into the cold winter air. He was free from the humiliation of being a Christmas tree for a bit. "Thanks for getting me out of there"

"No problem. You can only put up with humiliation for so long" Maru said, absent of her Akatsuki cloak.

"What'd you use as a decoy for me anyway?" the cannibal asked.

Back in the hideout...

A large potted plant with Maru's cloak over it was the decoy and it had Christmas lights wrapped around it. "Hi Zetsu-sama!" Tobi greeted. He received no response, of course.

"...is Zetsu-sama mad at Tobi?"

"...Zetsu-sama?"

"WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO TOBI?! Waaaaaahhhh!" the confused nin wailed, holding onto the plant and crying.

Outside...

"Don't worry, you won't be missed too much" Maru assured.

"It's not hard to miss a guy like him! He stands out more than Kisame!" Inner Maru said.

"Great, someone else who thinks I'm freakish looking" Zetsu's light half sighed. The pigtailed girl put a hand on his shoulder.

"You know, looking different isn't always a bad thing" she said. The plant man half smiled at her words.

"I guess there is some wisdom in that mass of insanity you call a body" the dark said chuckled.

"Hey shut up!" Inner Maru growled as her counterpart blushed, taking that as a complement.

Later that night...

The sound of things being knocked off of a desk came from inside Leader's room followed by the sounds of tearing fabric. Soft moans from both a male and female voice echoed through the hideout. Everyone was very used to these sounds, but not the current newbie.

Maru lay in bed wide-eyed and afraid. The sounds reminded her of ones you'd hear in horror films. "Hey, Tobi-sempai" she whispered, nudging the slumbering sempai.

"More waffles please...Zzzzz..." he snored. Maru sweat-dropped, the poor idiot was out cold.

"Oh...Oh Pein-sama~!" cried Konan's voice.

"Yes, scream my name! Louder!"

"Hey, keep your fuck-fest down!" Hidan yelled from his room.

"Are they doing it again?" Karla squeaked from her room.

"Go to sleep, Karla" Sasori's voice called. The loud noise of what sounded like a desk slowly being pushed across the floor then occurred.

"Oh shit! They're moving the desk! Go Leader!" Hidan whooped.

"We can HEAR that, thank you very much!" Itachi shouted.

"You're just mad you and Kisame have to do it with the lights ON, blind-boy!"

"You mean they have sex, un?!" Deidara gasped from his own room.

"I'm sure they do~" the Jashinist giggled.

"Oh GOD! I just got a mental picture of that! SICK!" Kakuzu yelled, disgusted at his own imagination.

"W-We do NOT have sex! Do we Kisame?"

"Zzzz..." was the shark-nin's only reply.

"Does this happen every night?" Maru asked.

"Not every night, but at least five times a week" Zetsu imputed.

"Five times a week?!" Sasori gasped. "With each other?!"

"Well, 'tis the season to be horny~" Hidan snickered.

"Speaking of that. Anyone look at the calendar lately, un?"

"Nuh-uh. Why?"

"Christmas. It's the day after tomorrow, un"

"...Stop playing" Maru hissed.

"Well, now it's tomorrow since it just became midnight, un"

"FUCK! Kakuzu's not done with my gift yet!"

"I am, jeez. Don't get your non-existent underwear in a bunch..."

"He doesn't wear any underwear?!" Itachi exclaimed.

"Nope! I go commando everyday!" the proud masochist declared.

"Wheee~! I know what to get you now!" Deidara cheered.

"I don't fucking wear thongs!"

"Crap, un..."

"ALL OF YOU SHUT THE HELL UP! I can't hear Konan moaning my name!" Pein roared from his room.

"Sorry!" Maru called.

"Maru, you're demoted! Now go to sleep!"

"B-but! Everyone else was...they...me...why?!" she whined.

"Pein-sama, the condom just broke!" an alarmed, yet still fully pleasured Konan said.

"Ah! I know, I just got a paper cut!" the leader hissed.

"I have some!" Sasori offered.

"No thank you, we have our own" Pein responded.

"How come wooden boy can talk and I can't?!" Maru growled.

"One more word and you're fired, noob!"

"Lousy shadow-covered Konan-humping bastard..." Inner Maru muttered.

"**I heard that, you naughty girl**!" Zetsu's dark side said.

On Christmas day...

"What are you doing?" Sasori asked, looking over Deidara's shoulder. The seated artist quickly covered whatever he was working on.

"Nothing danna, un!"

"It doesn't look like nothing. Is it a present? ...For me?" the puppet master asked. Deidara shook his head rapidly.

"N-No! It's for...uh...Tobi! Yeah, Tobi, un!"

"But you hate Tobi"

"Well, Tobi HAS been a good boy! And, well...don't you have something else to do, un? Like...sanding and waxing yourself?" he asked in a huffy tone. Sasori would've blushed at that question, but was unable to.

"...I do no such thing, brat" the redhead lied, moving closer to the pyro-technician's lips. Deidara gasped inwardly, forgetting he still had on the hat with mistletoe pinned to it. No problem there, he simply shook the hat off. Unfortunately for Deidara, it landed on his lap. "Ah, even better~" Sasori said with a smirk before kneeling down and undoing the blushing blonde's pants.

"No danna! W-what if someone comes in, un?!" he panted. All those cares vanished when Sasori began to partake of his _candy cane _.

A good few minutes in, the door opened and Karla peeked inside. She gasped at what she saw. "K-Karla-chan! H-Hi!" Deidara half moaned. "D-Did you need something, un?"

"Never mind! I'll come back later, nyachuuu!" she squealed, quickly leaving the two and shutting the door behind her.

"Maru-kohai! Tobi got you a present!" Tobi chimed, bursting into their room. Maru was still asleep, showing just how excited she was about this morning. In her hands was a tangled mass of yarn and kitting needles. "Merry Christmas Maru-kohai!" her sempai cheered, jumping onto the snoozing Akatsuki member.

"What the?! Get off me!" she yelled. Tobi then shoved a present into her face. It was horribly wrapped, but still concealed whatever it was. "You got me a gift, sempai?" she asked shyly.

"Of course! Maru was a good kohai...sometimes!"

Unwrapping the present, Maru sweat-dropped. It was a frozen solid snowball. "Does Maru-kohai like it? Tobi made sure it wouldn't melt by putting it in the freezer!"

"Uh...its great sempai...thanks" Maru groaned, reaching under her pillow and pulling out a light blue book. "This is your gift from me!"

"Tobi got a gift! Tobi is sooo happy!" Tobi cried hyperly, looking at the cover. 'Oh Please, (don't) Stop!' volume seven.

"Hah! And Zetsu said I was only self proclaimed!" she laughed.

"Is this why Maru-kohai went into town earlier this week with all that paper?" Tobi asked, flipping through the pages.

"Yup!" the girl responded.

"Oh Maruuu~!" Hidan said slyly, entering the room.

"Oh hell...what is it now?" Maru groaned.

"I have a gift for you" he said, handing her a wrapped box.

"For me?! Aww, you shouldn't have!" she squealed, taking it and quickly unwrapping it. Of course once she saw what it was, she really wished Hidan SHOULDN'T have given her the present.

"Do you like it? I'll help you try it on~" Hidan offered, practically drooling already. Maru threw the snowball Tobi gave her at the perverted Jashinist. Since it was frozen as hard as a rock, it knocked him out quite nicely.

"Wow Tobi, thanks for the gift!"

"Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi said, hugging his kohai tightly.

"OH KISAME~!" screamed Itachi's voice from down the hall.

"...well, looks that they're exchanging their gifts!" Maru snickered. Nanako ran down the hall, a small black and red collar with a bell on it around her neck. She stopped in the doorway of Tobi and Maru's room and huffed out her chest proudly as if she were showing it off. A huge stuffed plush toy that resembled a strawberry seemed to walk by, but then it was apparent Karla was carrying it around happily, cuddling it each second she got. A small tag still left on it said it was from Sasori.

"Okay, that was the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life!" Maru squealed running after the small ninja and hugging her tightly.

"Nyaaachuuu~! Merry Christmas Onee-sama!" she chirped cutely.

"Kawaii! I'm gonna hug you all day!" the writer sighed cheerfully.

"Group hug!" Tobi said, hugging his kohai tightly.

"Back off!" both Inner and outer Maru hissed. The masked moron backed away slowly. Nanako rubbed against his leg and mewled happily.

"It sure is lovely outside" Zetsu's light half said as he looked out of the window of his room. The snow had stopped falling, yet everything was now covered in a white blanket of snow. A knock then came at Zetsu's bedroom door. "Come in"

The door opened and Maru came in quickly and shut the door. "Hi Zetsu-san!"

"Oh, its you! Hello"

"** What do you want? **"

"Don't be rude!" the light half scolded.

"I just came in to say hello!" she said nervously, holding something behind her back.

"She made you a gift" her inner self said without a hint of nervousness. Maru blushed while Zetsu's dark side raised and eyebrow.

"**You're giving me a gift**?" the dark side asked.

"I-It's for both of you! Well, a gift for each part! ...you know what I mean!"

"Just give him the damn present!" Inner Maru urged. Blushing red in the face, Maru quickly held out two unwrapped items. "M-Merry Christmas!" she squeaked. One was her recently published book and the other was an amateur-made black and white stripped scarf. "I hope he likes them!" she thought shakily.

"Did you make this scarf yourself?"

"Yeah. Sorry it's kinda off in some places"

"No no! It's fine!" his lighter side said quite happily, placing the scarf around his neck. "We haven't gotten a hand-made gift before. **Hell, this is one of the few gifts we've ever received**"

"I'm sorry to hear that. But after you were so kind to me and healed me from my accident, I really thought you deserved more than just a 'thank you'" the pigtailed girl said, poking her fingers together lightly as she spoke. Zetsu was speechless and felt blood rush to his face. Most likely for the first time in his life, he blushed. "W-Well, I think Tobi and Karla wanted me to make a snowman with them. S-So I'll be going" she said, turning to leave.

"Wait." Zetsu said, going to a drawer. Opening it, he pulled out a bag of dried shark fins. "Kisame would kill me if he saw me giving these to you. But it's the only thing I knew you'd really like" he said, handing Maru the bag. None of Zetsu's halves could've expected what she did then. She hugged him! Tightly at that!

"You're the best, Zetsu-san! Thank you so much!" she giggled, clinging onto him tightly.

"**you don't have to force yourself to hug me, you know...**"

"Who says I was forcing myself? What if I really wanted to hug you?"

"**I'd call you insane**"

"News flash, I am!" Inner Maru laughed. Zetsu had to laugh at that true fact. Finally letting him go, Maru noticed how much of a view Zetsu had from his window and looked on with awe.

"Aren't you going to go play with Tobi and Karla?"

"They can get started without me" she said, starting to eat her dried snack and sitting on Zetsu's bed. It had begun to snow again and she was watching it. Sensing Zetsu was a bit nervous, Inner Maru spoke up. "It's your bed; you can sit on it too"

Feeling invited, Zetsu sat near her and faced the window along with her. Once seated, he felt that same as he did when he was always alone; not awkward. Maru for once felt fully safe around a man. Not once had he made an unnecessary reach or grab at her. The feelings they both had when together were very different than when they were with any one else.

...and they liked it.

"Merry Christmas...Maru-chan" both sides said softly. Maru did not respond; for she had fallen asleep leaning against his shoulder.

To be continued...


End file.
